Monsieur de Pourceaugnac | Page 6

imaginable in his head.
1ST PHY. The patient is a fool; for in the disease by which he is
attacked it is not his head, according to Galen, but the spleen, which
must give pain.
C. MAN. However this may be, Sir, he has had for the last six months a
laxity with it.
1ST PHY. That's right. It is a sign that his body is clearing. I will go
and see him in two or three days; but if he dies before, mind you do not
forget to give me notice, for it is not proper that a doctor should go to
visit a dead man.
C. WOM. (to PHYSICIAN). My father, Sir, is getting worse and
worse.
1ST PHY. It is no fault of mine; I send him remedies; why does he not
get better? How many times has he been bled?
C. WOM. Fifteen times, Sir, in twenty days.
1ST PHY. Fifteen times?
C. WOM. Yes.
1ST PHY. And he does not get better?
C. WOM. No, Sir.
PHY. It is a sign that the seat of the malady is not in the blood. He must
be purged as many times, to see if it is in the humours; and if this does
not succeed, we will send him to the bath.
APO. This is the _beau-idéal_ of physic.

SCENE IX.--ÉRASTE, 1ST PHYSICIAN, APOTHECARY.
ERA. (to the PHYSICIAN). It was I, Sir, who sent to you few days ago
about a relation of mine who is not quite right in his mind; and I want
him to live in your house, as it would be more convenient for you to
attend to him, and to prevent him from being seen by too many people.
1ST PHY. Yes, Sir, I have got everything ready; and I will take the
utmost care of him.
ERA. Here he is.

1ST PHY. That is most fortunate; for I have with me just now an old
physician, a friend of mine, with whom I should be glad to consult
concerning this disorder.

SCENE X.--MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, ÉRASTE, 1ST
PHYSICIAN, APOTHECARY.
ERA. (to MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC). I am obliged to leave you a
moment for a little affair which requires my presence; (showing the
PHYSICIAN) but this person, in whose hands I leave you, will do for
you all he possibly can.
1ST PHY. I am bound by my profession to do so; and it is enough that
you should lay this duty upon me.
MR. POUR. (_aside_). It is his steward, no doubt; he must be a man of
quality.
1ST PHY. (to ÉRASTE). Yes, Sir; I assure you that I shall treat this
gentleman methodically, and in strict accordance with the rules of our
art.
MR. POUR. Indeed, I do not ask for so much ceremony; and I have not
come here to trouble you so.
1ST PHY. Such a duty is a pleasure to me.
ERA. (to 1ST PHYSICIAN). Nevertheless, here are ten pistoles
beforehand, as an earnest of what I have promised you.
MR. POUR. No, if you please; I won't hear of your spending anything
on my account, nor do I wish you to send for anything particular for
me.
ERA. Ah, pray, do not trouble yourself; it is not for that you imagine.
MR. POUR. I beg of you to treat me only as a friend.
ERA. It is exactly what I mean to do. (Aside to the PHYSICIAN) I
particularly recommend you not to let him slip out of your hands, for at
times he tries to escape.
1ST PHY. You need not fear.
ERA. (to MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC). Pray excuse the incivility I
commit.
MR. POUR. Don't mention it. You are really too kind.

SCENE XI.--MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, 1ST PHYSICIAN, 2ND

PHYSICIAN, APOTHECARY.
1ST PHY. It is a great honour to me to be chosen to do you a service.
MR. POUR. I am your servant.
1ST PHY. Here is a clever man, one of my brethren, with whom I will
consult concerning the manner of our treating you.
MR. POUR. There is no need of so much ceremony, I tell you; I am
easily satisfied.
1ST PHY. Bring some seats. (_Servants come in and place chairs._)
MR. POUR. (_aside_). These servants are rather dismal for a young
man.
1ST PHY. Now, Sir; take a seat, Sir. (The two PHYSICIANS make MR.
DE POURCEAUGNAC sit between them.)
MR. POUR. (_seated_). Your very humble servant. (Each
PHYSICIAN _takes one of his hands, and feels his pulse._) What are
you about?
1ST PHY. Do you eat well, Sir?
MR. POUR. Yes; and drink still better.
1ST PHY. So much the worse! That great craving for cold and wet is a
sign of the heat and aridity that is within. Do you sleep well?
MR. POUR. Yes;