Monsieur de Pourceaugnac | Page 5

POUR. I would not....
ERA. Nonsense! I will not allow one of my best friends to go anywhere
but to my house.
MR. POUR. It would be disturb....
ERA. No; deuce take it all. You shall stay with me.

SBRI. (to MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC). Since he will have it so, I
advise you to accept.
ERA. Where is your luggage?
MR. POUR. With my servant, where we stopped.
ERA. Send somebody to fetch it.
MR. POUR. No. I forbade him to let it go out of his sight, for fear of
swindlers.
SBRI. You did quite right.
MR. POUR. It is good to be cautious in this place.
ERA. We always know a man of sense.
SBRI. I will accompany this gentleman, and bring him back where you
wish.
ERA. Do so. I have a few orders to give; but you only need come to
that house yonder.
SBRI. We will come back presently.
ERA. (to MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC). I shall expect you with great
impatience.
MR. POUR. (to SBRIGANI). I find an acquaintance when I little
expected to meet with one.
SBRI. He looks like an honest man. (_Exeunt._)
ERA. (_alone_). Ah! ah! Mr. de Pourceaugnac, you will get it hot!
Everything is ready, and I have only to give the word. Soho! there.

SCENE VII.--ÉRASTE, AN APOTHECARY.
ERA. I think, Sir, that you are the doctor to whom somebody went to
speak in my name.
APO. No, Sir. I am not the doctor; such an honour does not belong to
me. I am only an unworthy apothecary; at your service.
ERA. Is the doctor at home, then.
APO. Yes; he is in there, trying to get rid quickly of some patients. I
will tell him that you are here.
ERA. No; you need not disturb him; I will wait till he has done. I have
to entrust to his care a certain relation of mine he was told about today.
He is attacked with a sort of madness that we should like to see cured
before we marry him to anyone.
APO. I know; I know all about it. I was there when he was told of this
affair. Upon my word, Sir; upon my word, you could not apply to a

more skilful doctor. He is a man who understands medicine thoroughly,
as well as I do my A B C; [Footnote: _Ma croix de par Dieu_, "my
Christ-cross-row," or "Criss-cross-row," in old and provincial English.]
and who, were you to die for it, would not abate one iota of the rules of
the ancients. Yes, he always follows the high-road--the high-road, Sir,
and doesn't spend his time finding out mares' nests. For all the gold in
the world he would not cure anybody with other medicines than those
prescribed by the faculty.
ERA. He is quite right. A patient should not wish to be cured unless the
faculty consents to it.
APO. It is not because we are great friends that I speak so of him; but it
is a pleasure to be his patient, and I had rather die by his medicines than
be cured with those of another. For, whatever may happen, we know
for certain that things are always in due order; and should we die under
his care, our heirs have nothing to reproach us with.
ERA. A great comfort to a dead man.
APO. Certainly; it is pleasant to have died according to rules. Moreover,
he is not one of those doctors who let a disease off. He is an
expeditious man--expeditious, Sir, who likes to clear off his patients;
and when they are to die, the thing is done in no time.
ERA. There is, to be sure, nothing like going through the business
quickly.
APO. Indeed, what is the use of haggling over the matter, and beating
so long about the bush? One should know offhand the long and short of
an illness.
ERA. You are quite right.
APO. Why, he did me the honour of taking care of three of my children;
they died in less than four days, whereas with another they would have
lingered for more than three months.
ERA. It is a blessing to have friends like these.
APO. Decidedly. I have still two children left, of whom he takes care as
if they were his own; he attends them, and physics them as he pleases,
without my interfering in the least; and very frequently on my return
from the city, I am quite surprised to find that they have been bled or
purged by his direction.
ERA. This is kind care indeed!
APO. Here he is, here he is; here he is coming.

SCENE VIII.--ÉRASTE, 1ST PHYSICIAN, APOTHECARY,
COUNTRYMAN, COUNTRYWOMAN.
C. MAN. Sir, he can hold out no longer; he says he feels the greatest
pains