Miss Civilization | Page 6

I gave up robbing tills when I was quite a boy.
(Carries bag toward window and looks out.)
HARRY: (Takes box of cigars from buffet) Ah, here they are. (With
disgust.) Domestics! What do you think of that? Made in Vermont. The
"Admiral Dewey" cigar. Gee! What was the use of Dewey's taking
Manila, if I've got to smoke Vermont cigars?
(REDDY enters, carrying tray with food and a bottle.)
REDDY: Say, fellers, look at this layout. These is real people in this
house. I found cold birds, and ham, and all kinds of pie, and real wine.

(Places tray on right end of table.) Sit down, and make yourselves
perfectly at home.
HARRY: Well, well, that does look good. (Places box of cigars at
upper end of table, and seats himself.) Better have a bite, governor.
HATCH: No, I tell you. (He sits angrily in chair at left end of table,
with his face turned toward the curtains.)
REDDY: Oh, come on. It don't cost you nothing. (The light from the
candle is seen approaching the curtains.)
HATCH: Hush! Look there!
(He rises, lifting his chair above his head, and advances on tiptoe to
right of curtains, where he stands with the chair raised as though to
strike.
HARRY points revolver at curtains.
REDDY shifts the lantern to his left hand and, standing close to
HARRY, also points a revolver.
ALICE appears between curtains. She is dressed as before, and in her
left hand carries the candle, while the forefinger of her right hand is
held warningly to her lips. For an instant she pauses, in the ring of light
from the lantern.)
ALICE: (Whispering) Hush! Don't make a noise. Don't make a noise,
please.
(There is a long pause.)
REDDY: Well, I'll be hung!
ALICE: (To REDDY) Please don't make a noise.
HATCH: (in a threatening whisper) Don't YOU make a noise.
ALICE: I don't mean to. My mother is asleep upstairs and she is very ill.
And I don't want to wake her--and I don't want you to wake her, either.
REDDY: "Well, I'll be hung!
HATCH: (Angrily) Who else is in this house?
ALICE: No one but mother and the maid servants, and they're asleep.
You woke me, and I hoped you'd go without disturbing mother. But
when you started in making a night of it, I decided I'd better come
down and ask you to be as quiet as possible. My mother is not at all
well. (Takes cigar box off table.) Excuse me, you've got the wrong
cigars. Those are the cigars father keeps for his friends. Those he
smokes he hides over here. (Places box on buffet and takes out a larger
box, with partitions for cigars, matches, and cigarettes. As she moves

about, REDDY keeps her well in the light of the lantern.) Try those. I'm
afraid you've a very poor supper. When father is away, we have such a
small family. I can't see what you've--would you mind taking that light
out of my eyes, and pointing it at that tray?
HATCH: (sharply) Don't you do it. Keep the gun on her.
ALICE: Oh, I don't mind his pointing the gun at me, so long as he does
not point that light at me. It's most--embarrassing. (Sternly.) Turn it
down there, please. (REDDY lets light fall on tray.) Why, that's
cooking sherry you've got. You can't drink THAT! Let me get you
some whiskey.
REDDY: (covering her with lantern) No, you don't. That's not whiskey.
It's benzine.
ALICE: You don't mean to say that that benzine bottle is there STILL?
I told Jane to take it away.
REDDY: (dryly) Well, Jane didn't do it.
ALICE: Now, isn't that just like Jane? I told her it might set fire to the
house and burn us alive.
REDDY: It nearly burned me alive.
ALICE: I'm so sorry. (Takes from buffet a tray holding whiskey bottle,
siphon, and three glasses.) Here, this is what you want. But, perhaps
you don't like Scotch.
HATCH: Don't you touch that, Reddy. (Returns to chair at left of
table.)
REDDY: Why not?
ALICE: (pours whiskey into a glass) Yes; why not? It's not poison.
There's nothing wrong with this bottle. If you're afraid, I'll prove it to
you. Just to show you there's not a trace of hard feelings. (Drinks and
coughs violently.)
REDDY: (sympathetically) SHE'S got the benzine bottle, too.
ALICE: No. I'm not quite used to that. (To HARRY) Excuse me, but
aren't you getting tired holding that big pistol? Don't you think you
might put it down now, and help me serve this supper? (HARRY does
not move.) No? Well, then, let the colored gentleman help me.
(HARRY and REDDY wheel sharply, each pointing his revolver.)
REDDY: Colored man! Where?
HARRY: Colored man! It's a trap!
(Seeing