Miss Civilization | Page 7

no one, they turn.)

ALICE: (to REDDY) Oh, pardon me. Aren't you a colored person?
REDDY: Me! Colored? You never see a colored man with hair like that,
did you? (Points lantern at his head.) This isn't my real face, lady. Why,
out of office hours, I've a complexion like cream and roses.
(Indignantly.) Colored man!
ALICE: I beg your pardon, but I can't see very well. Don't you think it
would be more cheerful if we had a little more light?
HATCH: No! (To REDDY.) Drop that. We've got to go. (To ALICE.)
And before we go, I've got to fix you.
ALICE: Fix me--how "fix" me?
HATCH: I'm sorry, Miss, but it's your own fault. You shouldn't have
tried to see us. Now that you HAVE, before we leave, I've got to tie
you to a chair--and gag you.
ALICE: Oh, really--all of that?
HATCH: I can't have you raising the neighborhood until we get well
away.
ALICE: I see. But--gagged--I'll look so foolish.
REDDY: Well, there's no hurry. We won't get well away until I've had
something to eat.
ALICE: Quite right. (To Hatch.) You can tie me in a chair later, Mr.
_______. But now you must remember that I am your hostess. (To
REDDY.) You'll find plates in the pantry, please.
REDDY: Oh, I don't use them things.
ALICE: You'll use "them things" when you eat with me. Go, do as I tell
you, please. (REDDY exits..) And you--put away that silly gun and
help him.
HATCH: Stay where you are.
HARRY: Oh, what's the rush, governor? She can't hurt nobody. And
I'm near starved, too. (Exit into pantry.)
HATCH: This is the last time I take YOU out.
ALICE: (arranging the food upon the table) Now, why are you so
peevish to everybody? Why don't you be sociable, and take some
supper? (Glances at sideboard.) You seem to have taken everything else.
Oh, that reminds me. Would you object to loaning me about--four,
six--about six of our knives and forks? Just for the supper. I suppose we
can borrow from the neighbors for breakfast. Unless you've been
calling on the neighbors, too.

HATCH: Oh, anything to oblige a lady. (Threateningly.) But no tricks,
now!
ALICE: Oh, I can't promise that, because I mightn't be able to keep my
promise.
(HATCH brings silver knives and forks from the bag.)
HATCH: I'll risk all the tricks you know. Nobody's got much the better
of me in the last twenty years.
ALICE: Have you been a burglar twenty years? You must have begun
very young. I can't see your face very well, but I shouldn't say you
were--over forty. Do take that mask off. It looks so--unsociable. Don't
be afraid of me. I've a perfectly shocking memory for faces. Now, I'm
sure that under that unbecoming and terrifying exterior you are hiding a
kind and fatherly countenance. Am I right? (Laughs.) Why do you wear
it?
HATCH: (roughly) To keep my face warm.
ALICE: Oh, pardon me, my mistake.
(A locomotive whistle is heard at a distance. ALICE listens eagerly. As
the whistle dies away and is not repeated, her face shows her
disappointment.)
HATCH: What was that? There's no trains this time of night.
ALICE: (speaking partly to herself) It was a freight train, going the
other way.
HATCH: (suspiciously) The other way? The other way from where?
ALICE: From where it started. Do you know, I've always wanted to
meet a burglar. But it's so difficult. They go out so seldom.
HATCH: Yes, and they arrive so late.
ALICE: (laughingly) Now, that's much better. It's so nice of you to
have a sense of humor. While you're there, just close those blinds,
please, so that the neighbors can't see what scandalous hours we keep.
And then you can make a light. This is much too gloomy for a supper
party.
HATCH: (closing shutters) Yes, if those were shut it might be safer.
(He closes shutters and turns on the two electric lights. REDDY and
HARRY enter, carrying plates.)
HARRY: We aren't regular waiters, miss, but we think we're pretty
good for amateurs.
REDDY: We haven't forgot nothing. Not even napkins. Have some

napkins?
(Places a pile of folded napkins in front of ALICE. Then sits at head of
table, HARRY to lower right of table. ALICE moves her chair away
from the table, but keeping REDDY on her right. HATCH sits still
further away from the table on her left.)
ALICE: Thanks. Put the plates down there. And may I help you to
some--
REDDY: (taking food in fingers) Oh, we'll help ourselves.
ALICE: Of course you're accustomed to helping yourselves, aren't you?
(To HATCH.) Won't you join them?
HATCH: No.
(Through the scene which follows, REDDY and HARRY continue to
eat and drink heartily.)
ALICE: No? Well,