Misalliance | Page 8

stop your crying, I suppose. Baby!
BENTLEY. I did cry. But I always feel good after crying: it relieves
my wretched nerves. I feel perfectly jolly now.
LORD SUMMERHAYS. Not at all ashamed of yourself, for instance?
BENTLEY. If I started being ashamed of myself I shouldnt have time
for anything else all my life. I say: I feel very fit and spry. Lets all go
down and meet the Grand Cham. _[He goes to the hatstand and takes
down his hat]._
LORD SUMMERHAYS. Does Mr Tarleton like to be called the Grand
Cham, do you think, Bentley?
BENTLEY. Well, he thinks hes too modest for it. He calls himself
Plain John. But you cant call him that in his own office: besides, it
doesnt suit him: it's not flamboyant enough.
JOHNNY. Flam what?
BENTLEY. Flamboyant. Lets go and meet him. Hes telephoned from
Guildford to say hes on the road. The dear old son is always
telephoning or telegraphing: he thinks hes hustling along like anything
when hes only sending unnecessary messages.
LORD SUMMERHAYS. Thank you: I should prefer a quiet afternoon.
BENTLEY. Right O. I shant press Johnny: hes had enough of me for
one week-end. [He goes out through the pavilion into the grounds].
JOHNNY. Not a bad idea, that.
LORD SUMMERHAYS. What?

JOHNNY. Going to meet the Governor. You know you wouldnt think
it; but the Governor likes Bunny rather. And Bunny is cultivating it. I
shouldnt be surprised if he thought he could squeeze me out one of
these days.
LORD SUMMERHAYS. You dont say so! Young rascal! I want to
consult you about him, if you dont mind. Shall we stroll over to the
Gibbet? Bentley is too fast for me as a walking companion; but I
should like a short turn.
JOHNNY. [rising eagerly, highly flattered] Right you are. Thatll suit
me down to the ground. _[He takes a Panama and stick from the hat
stand]._
_Mrs Tarleton and Hypatia come back just as the two men are going
out. Hypatia salutes Summerhays from a distance with an enigmatic lift
of her eyelids in his direction and a demure nod before she sits down at
the worktable and busies herself with her needle. Mrs Tarleton,
hospitably fussy, goes over to him._
MRS TARLETON. Oh, Lord Summerhays, I didnt know you were
here. Wont you have some tea?
LORD SUMMERHAYS. No, thank you: I'm not allowed tea. And I'm
ashamed to say Ive knocked over your beautiful punch-bowl. You must
let me replace it.
MRS TARLETON. Oh, it doesnt matter: I'm only too glad to be rid of
it. The shopman told me it was in the best taste; but when my poor old
nurse Martha got cataract, Bunny said it was a merciful provision of
Nature to prevent her seeing our china.
LORD SUMMERHAYS. [gravely] That was exceedingly rude of
Bentley, Mrs Tarleton. I hope you told him so.
MRS TARLETON. Oh, bless you! I dont care what he says; so long as
he says it to me and not before visitors.

JOHNNY. We're going out for a stroll, mother.
MRS TARLETON. All right: dont let us keep you. Never mind about
that crock: I'll get the girl to come and take the pieces away.
[Recollecting herself] There! Ive done it again!
JOHNNY. Done what?
MRS TARLETON. Called her the girl. You know, Lord Summerhays,
its a funny thing; but now I'm getting old, I'm dropping back into all the
ways John and I had when we had barely a hundred a year. You should
have known me when I was forty! I talked like a duchess; and if Johnny
or Hypatia let slip a word that was like old times, I was down on them
like anything. And now I'm beginning to do it myself at every turn.
LORD SUMMERHAYS. There comes a time when all that seems to
matter so little. Even queens drop the mask when they reach our time of
life.
MRS TARLETON. Let you alone for giving a thing a pretty turn!
Youre a humbug, you know, Lord Summerhays. John doesnt know it;
and Johnny doesnt know it; but you and I know it, dont we? Now thats
something that even you cant answer; so be off with you for your walk
without another word.
_Lord Summerhays smiles; bows; and goes out through the vestibule
door, followed by Johnny. Mrs Tarleton sits down at the worktable and
takes out her darning materials and one of her husband's socks. Hypatia
is at the other side of the table, on her mother's right. They chat as they
work.
HYPATIA. I wonder whether they laugh at us when they are by
themselves!
MRS TARLETON. Who?
HYPATIA. Bentley and his father and all the toffs in their set.

MRS TARLETON. Oh, thats only their way.