Misalliance | Page 9

I used to think that the
aristocracy were a nasty sneering lot, and that they were laughing at me
and John. Theyre always giggling and pretending not to care much
about anything. But you get used to it: theyre the same to one another
and to everybody. Besides, what does it matter what they think? It's far
worse when theyre civil, because that always means that they want you
to lend them money; and you must never do that, Hypatia, because they
never pay. How can they? They dont make anything, you see. Of
course, if you can make up your mind to regard it as a gift, thats
different; but then they generally ask you again; and you may as well
say no first as last. You neednt be afraid of the aristocracy, dear: theyre
only human creatures like ourselves after all; and youll hold your own
with them easy enough.
HYPATIA. Oh, I'm not a bit afraid of them, I assure you.
MRS TARLETON. Well, no, not afraid of them, exactly; but youve got
to pick up their ways. You know, dear, I never quite agreed with your
father's notion of keeping clear of them, and sending you to a school
that was so expensive that they couldnt afford to send their daughters
there; so that all the girls belonged to big business families like
ourselves. It takes all sorts to make a world; and I wanted you to see a
little of all sorts. When you marry Bunny, and go among the women of
his father's set, theyll shock you at first.
HYPATIA. [incredulously] How?
MRS TARLETON. Well, the things they talk about.
HYPATIA. Oh! scandalmongering?
MRS TARLETON. Oh no: we all do that: thats only human nature. But
you know theyve no notion of decency. I shall never forget the first day
I spent with a marchioness, two duchesses, and no end of Ladies This
and That. Of course it was only a committee: theyd put me on to get a
big subscription out of John. I'd never heard such talk in my life. The
things they mentioned! And it was the marchioness that started it.

HYPATIA. What sort of things?
MRS TARLETON. Drainage!! She'd tried three systems in her castle;
and she was going to do away with them all and try another. I didnt
know which way to look when she began talking about it: I thought
theyd all have got up and gone out of the room. But not a bit of it, if
you please. They were all just as bad as she. They all had systems; and
each of them swore by her own system. I sat there with my cheeks
burning until one of the duchesses, thinking I looked out of it, I
suppose, asked me what system I had. I said I was sure I knew nothing
about such things, and hadnt we better change the subject. Then the fat
was in the fire, I can tell you. There was a regular terror of a countess
with an anaerobic system; and she told me, downright brutally, that I'd
better learn something about them before my children died of
diphtheria. That was just two months after I'd buried poor little Bobby;
and that was the very thing he died of, poor little lamb! I burst out
crying: I couldnt help it. It was as good as telling me I'd killed my own
child. I had to go away; but before I was out of the door one of the
duchesses--quite a young woman--began talking about what sour milk
did in her inside and how she expected to live to be over a hundred if
she took it regularly. And me listening to her, that had never dared to
think that a duchess could have anything so common as an inside! I
shouldnt have minded if it had been children's insides: we have to talk
about them. But grown-up people! I was glad to get away that time.
HYPATIA. There was a physiology and hygiene class started at school;
but of course none of our girls were let attend it.
MRS TARLETON. If it had been an aristocratic school plenty would
have attended it. Thats what theyre like: theyve nasty minds. With
really nice good women a thing is either decent or indecent; and if it's
indecent, we just dont mention it or pretend to know about it; and
theres an end of it. But all the aristocracy cares about is whether it can
get any good out of the thing. Theyre what Johnny calls cynical-like.
And of course nobody can say a word to them for it. Theyre so high up
that they can do and say what they like.
HYPATIA. Well, I think they might leave the drains to their