Manners and Social Usages | Page 5

card--indeed, that
fashion has become almost obsolete, except, perhaps, where a lady
wishes it distinctly understood that she has called in person. The plainer
the card the better. A small, thin card for a gentleman, not glazed, with
his name in small script and his address well engraved in the corner, is
in good taste. A lady's card should be larger, but not glazed or
ornamented in any way. It is a rule with sticklers for good-breeding that
after any entertainment a gentleman should leave his card in person,
although, as we have said, he often commits it to some feminine
agency.
No gentleman should call on a lady unless she asks him to do so, or

unless he brings a letter of introduction, or unless he is taken by a lady
who is sufficiently intimate to invite him to call. A lady should say to a
gentleman, if she wishes him to call, "I hope that we shall see you," or,
"I am at home on Monday," or something of that sort. If he receives an
invitation to dinner or to a ball from a stranger, he is bound to send an
immediate answer, call the very next day, leave his card, and then to
call after the entertainment.
This, at least, is foreign etiquette, and we cannot do better than import
it. This rule holds good for the entertainments of bachelors, who should
leave their cards on each other after an entertainment, unless the
intimacy is so great that no card- leaving is expected.
When a lady returns to town, after an absence in Europe or in the
country, it is strict etiquette that she should leave cards on all her
acquaintances and friends if she expects to entertain or to lead a gay,
social winter; but as distances in our great cities are formidable, as all
ladies do not keep a carriage, as most ladies have a great deal else to do
besides making visits, this long and troublesome process is sometimes
simplified by giving a tea or a series of teas, which enables the lady, by
staying at home on one evening of a week, or two or three afternoons of
a month, to send out her cards to that effect, and to thus show her
friends that she at least remembers them. As society and card-leaving
thus become rapidly complicated, a lady should have a visiting-book,
into which her list is carefully copied, with spaces for days and future
engagements.
A servant must be taught to receive the cards at the door, remember
messages, and recollect for whom they are left, as it is not proper in
calling upon Mrs. Brown at a private house to write her name on your
card. At a crowded hotel this may be allowed, but it is not etiquette in
visiting at private houses. In returning visits, observe the exact etiquette
of the person who has left the first card. A call must not be returned
with a card only, or a card by a call. If a person send you a card by post,
return a card by post; if a personal visit is made, return it by a personal
visit; if your acquaintance leave cards only, without inquiring if you are
at home, return the same courtesy. If she has left the cards of the
gentlemen of her family, return those of the gentlemen of your family.
A young lady's card should almost always be accompanied by that of
her mother or her chaperon. It is well, on her entrance into society, that

the name of the young lady be engraved on her mother's card. After she
has been out a year, she may leave her own card only. Here American
etiquette begins to differ from English etiquette. In London, on the
other hand, no young lady leaves her card: if she is motherless, her
name is engraved beneath the name of her father, and the card of her
chaperon is left with both until she becomes a maiden lady of
somewhat mature if uncertain age.
It is rare now to see the names of both husband and wife engraved on
one card, as "Mr. and Mrs. Brown." The lady has her own card, "Mrs.
Octavius Brown," or with the addition, "The Misses Brown." Her
husband has his separate card; each of the sons has his own card. No
titles are used on visiting-cards in America, save military, naval, or
judicial ones; and, indeed, many of our most distinguished judges have
had cards printed simply with the name, without prefix or affix. "Mr.
Webster," "Mr. Winthrop," "Henry Clay" are well-known instances of
simplicity. But a woman must always use the prefix "Mrs." or "Miss."
A gentleman may or may not use the prefix "Mr.," as he pleases, but
women