Manners and Social Usages | Page 6

must treat themselves with more respect. No card is less proper
than one which is boldly engraved "Gertrude F. Brown;" it should be
"Miss Gertrude F. Brown."
A married lady always bears her husband's name, during his life, on her
card. Some discussion is now going on as to whether she should
continue to call herself "Mrs. Octavius Brown" or "Mrs. Mary Brown"
after his death. The burden of opinion is in favor of the
latter--particularly as a son may bear his father's name, so there will be
two Mrs. Octavius Browns. No lady wishes to be known as "old Mrs.
Octavius Brown," and as we do not use the convenient title of Dowager,
we may as well take the alternative of the Christian name. We cannot
say "Mrs. Octavius Brown, Jr.," if the husband has ceased to be a junior.
Many married ladies hesitate to discard the name by which they have
always been known. Perhaps the simple "Mrs. Brown" is the best, after
all. No lady should leave cards upon an unmarried gentleman, except in
the case of his having given entertainments at which ladies were
present. Then the lady of the house should drive to his door with the
cards of herself and family, allowing the footman to leave them.
The young ladies' names, in such a case as this, should be engraven on
their mother's card.

"We have no leisure class," as Henry James says in his brilliant
"International Episode;" but still young men should try to make time to
call on those who entertain them, showing by some sort of personal
attention their gratitude for the politeness shown them. American
young men are, as a rule, very remiss about this matter of calling on the
hostess whose hospitality they accept.
A gentleman should not call on a young lady without asking for her
mother or her chaperon. Nor should he leave cards for her alone, but
always leave one for her mother.
Ladies can, and often do, write informal invitations on the visiting-card.
To teas, readings, and small parties, may be added the day of reception.
It is convenient and proper to send these cards by post. Everything can
be sent by post now, except an invitation to dinner, and that must
always be sent by private hand, and an answer must be immediately
returned in the same formal manner.
After balls, amateur concerts, theatrical parties, garden-parties, or "at
homes," cards should be left by all invited guests within a week after
the invitation, particularly if the invited guest has been obliged to
decline. These cards may be left without inquiring for the hostess, if
time presses; but it is more polite to inquire for the hostess, even if it is
not her day. If it is her reception day, it would be rude not to inquire,
enter, and pay a personal visit. After a dinner, one must inquire for the
hostess and pay a personal visit. It is necessary to mention this fact,
because so many ladies have got into the habit (having large
acquaintances) of leaving or sending cards in by a footman, without
inquiring for the hostess (who is generally not at home), that there has
grown up a confusion, which leads to offence being taken where none
is meant.
It is not considered necessary to leave cards after a tea. A lady leaves
her cards as she enters the hall, pays her visit, and the etiquette of a
visiting acquaintance is thus established for a year. She should,
however, give a tea herself, asking all her entertainers.
If a lady has been invited to a tea or other entertainment through a
friend without having known her hostess, she is bound to call soon; but
if the invitation is not followed up by a return card or another invitation,
she must understand that the acquaintance is at an end. She may,
however, invite her new friend, within a reasonable time, to some

entertainment at her own house, and if that is accepted, the
acquaintance goes on. It is soon ascertained by a young woman who
begins life in a new city whether her new friends intend to be friendly
or the reverse. A resident of a town or village can call, with propriety,
on any new-comer. The newcomer must return this call; but, if she does
not desire a further acquaintance, this can be the end of it. The time of
calling must in every town be settled by the habits of the place; after
two o'clock and before six is, however, generally safe.
In England they have a pleasant fashion of calling to inquire for
invalids or afflicted friends, and of pencilling the words "kind
inquiries." It has not obtained that popularity in America which it
deserves, and it would be well to