Manners and Social Usages | Page 3

religion, and a desire for a refined society.
A book on etiquette, however patiently considered and honestly written,
must have many shortcomings, and contain disputed testimony. All we
can do is endeavor to mention those fashions and customs which we
believe to be the best, remembering always, as we have said, that the
great law of change goes on forever, that our stately grandfathers had
fashions which we should now consider gross and unbecoming, while
we have customs, particularly of speech, which would have shocked
them. This law of change is not only one which time modifies, but with

us the South, the North, the East, and the West differ as to certain
points of etiquette. All, however, agree in saying that there is a good
society in America whose mandates are supreme. All feel that the
well-bred man or woman is a "recognized institution." Everybody
laughed at the mistakes of Daisy Miller, and saw wherein she and her
mother were wrong. Independent American girls may still choose to
travel without a chaperon, but they must be prepared to fight a
well-founded prejudice if they do. There is a recognition of the
necessity of good manners, and a profound conviction, let us hope, that
a graceful manner is the outcropping of a well-regulated mind and of a
good heart.
CONTENTS.
CHAPTER ... PAGE I. Women as Leaders ... 13 II. Optional
Civilities ... 29 III. Good and Bad Society ... 36 IV. On Introducing
People ... 44 V. Visiting ... 58 VI. Invitations, Acceptances, and
Regrets ... 66 VII. Cards of Compliment, Courtesy, Condolence, and
Congratulation ... 74 VIII. The Etiquette of Weddings ... 82 IX. Who
Pays for the Cards ... 94 X. Weddings after Easter ... 102 XI. Summer
Weddings ... 110 XII Autumn Weddings ... 117 XIII. Before the
Wedding and After ... 125 XIV. Gold, Silver, and Tin Weddings ... 133
XV. The Etiquette of Balls ... 142 XVI. Fashionable Dancing ... 150
XVII. Letters and Letter Writing ... 159 XVIII. Costly thy Habit ... 167
XlX. Dressing for Driving ... 174 XX. Incongruities of Dress ... 181
XXI. Etiquette of Mourning ... 188 XXII. Mourning and Funeral
Usages ... 200 XXIII. Letters of Condolence ... 207 XXIV. Chaperons
and Their Duties ... 214 XXV. Etiquette for Elderly Girls ... 223 XXVI.
New Year's Calls ... 230 XXVII. Matin‚es And Soir‚es ... 239 XXVIII.
Afternoon Tea ... 247 XXIX. Caudle And Christening Cups and
Ceremonies ... 255 XXX. Modern Dinner Table ... 261 XXXI. Laying
the Dinner-table ... 269 XXXII. Favors and Bonbonni‚res ... 277
XXXIII. Dinner Table Novelites ... 285 XXXIV. Summer Dinners ...
292 XXXV. Luncheons, Informal and Social ... 300 XXXVI. Supper
Parties ... 307 XXXVII. Simple Dinners ... 314 XXXVIII. The Small
Talk of Society ... 320 XXXIX. Garden Parties ... 328 XL. Silver
Weddings and Other Wedding Anniversaries ... 335 XLI. Spring And
Summer Entertainments ... 343 XLII. Floral Tributes and Decorations ...
353 XLIII. The Fork and the Spoon ... 359 XLIV. Napkins and

Table-cloths ... 364 XLV. Servants, their Dress and Duties ... 371
XLVI. House with One Servant ... 380 XLVII. House with Two
Servants ... 886 XLVIII. House with Many Servants ... 394 XLIX.
Manners: A Study For The Awkward and the Shy ... 401 L. How To
Treat A Guest ... 408 LI. Lady And Gentleman ... 415 LIL The
Manners of the Past ... 424 LIII. The Manners of the Optimist ... 484
LIV. The Manners of the Sympathetic ... 441 LV. Certain Questions
Answered ... 450 LVI. English Table Manners and Social Usages. ...
457 LVII. American And English Etiquette Contrasted ... 465 LVIII.
How To Treat English People ... 473 LIX. A Foreign Table D'H“te, and
Casino Life Abroad ... 480

MANNERS AND SOCIAL USAGES.

CHAPTER I
. WOMEN AS LEADERS.
Nothing strikes the foreigner so much (since the days of De
Tocqueville, the first to mention it) as the prominent position of woman
in the best society of America. She has almost no position in the
political world. She is not a leader, an intrigante in politics, as she is in
France. We have no Madame de Stael, no Princess Belgioso, here to
make and unmake our Presidents; but women do all the social work,
which in Europe is done not only by women, but by young bachelors
and old ones, statesmen, princes, ambassadors, and attaches. Officials
are connected with every court whose business it is to visit, write and
answer invitations, leave cards, call, and perform all the multifarious
duties of the social world.
In America, the lady of the house does all this. Her men are all in
business or in pleasure, her sons are at work or off yachting. They
cannot spend time to make their dinner calls--"Mamma, please