Letters to His Son 1750 | Page 8

Nivernois--[At that time Ambassador
from the Court of France to Rome.]--would, I am sure, be charmed, if
you dropped such a thing to him; adding, that you loved to address
yourself always to the best masters. Observe also the different modes of
good-breeding of several nations, and conform yourself to them
respectively. Use an easy civility with the French, more ceremony with
the Italians, and still more with the Germans; but let it be without
embarrassment and with ease. Bring it by use to be habitual to you; for,
if it seems unwilling and forced; it will never please. 'Omnis
Aristippum decuit color, et res'. Acquire an easiness and versatility of
manners, as well as of mind; and, like the chameleon, take the hue of
the company you are with.
There is a sort of veteran women of condition, who having lived always
in the 'grande monde', and having possibly had some gallantries,
together with the experience of five-and-twenty, or thirty years, form a
young fellow better than all the rules that can be given him. These
women, being past their bloom, are extremely flattered by the least
attention from a young fellow; and they will point out to him those
manners and ATTENTIONS that pleased and engaged them, when they
were in the pride of their youth and beauty. Wherever you go, make
some of those women your friends; which a very little matter will do.
Ask their advice, tell them your doubts or difficulties as to your
behavior; but take great care not to drop one word of their experience;
for experience implies age; and the suspicion of age, no woman, let her
be ever so old, ever forgives. I long for your picture, which Mr. Harte
tells me is now drawing. I want to see your countenance, your air, and
even your dress; the better they all three are, the better I am not wise
enough to despise any one of them. Your dress, at least, is in your own
power, and I hope that you mind it to a proper degree. Yours, Adieu.

LETTER CII
LONDON, January 18, O. S. 1750
MY DEAR FRIEND: I consider the solid part of your little edifice as
so near being finished and completed, that my only remaining care is
about the embellishments; and that must now be your principal care too.
Adorn yourself with all those graces and accomplishments, which,
without solidity, are frivolous; but without which solidity is, to a great
degree, useless. Take one man, with a very moderate degree of
knowledge, but with a pleasing figure, a prepossessing address,
graceful in all that he says and does, polite, 'liant', and, in short,
adorned with all the lesser talents: and take another man, with sound
sense and profound knowledge, but without the above-mentioned
advantages; the former will not only get the better of the latter, in every
pursuit of every KIND, but in truth there will be no sort of competition
between them. But can every man acquire these advantages? I say, Yes,
if he please, suppose he is in a situation and in circumstances to
frequent good company. Attention, observation, and imitation, will
most infallibly do it.
When you see a man whose first 'abord' strikes you, prepossesses you
in his favor, and makes you entertain a good opinion of him, you do not
know why, analyze that 'abord', and examine, within yourself, the
several parts that composed it; and you will generally find it to be the
result, the happy assemblage of modesty unembarrassed, respect
without timidity, a genteel, but unaffected attitude of body and limbs,
an open, cheerful, but unsmirking countenance, and a dress, by no
means negligent, and yet not foppish. Copy him, then, not servilely, but
as some of the greatest masters of painting have copied others;
insomuch that their copies have been equal to the originals, both as to
beauty and freedom. When you see a man who is universally allowed to
shine as an agreeable, well-bred man, and a fine gentleman (as, for
example, the Duke de Nivernois), attend to him, watch him carefully;
observe in what manner he addresses himself to his superiors, how he
lives with his equals, and how he treats his inferiors. Mind his turn of
conversation in the several situations of morning visits, the table, and
the evening amusements. Imitate, without mimicking him; and be his
duplicate, but not his ape. You will find that he takes care never to say
or do any thing that can be construed into a slight, or a negligence; or

that can, in any degree, mortify people's vanity and self-love; on the
contrary, you will perceive that he makes people pleased with him, by
making them first pleased with themselves: he shows respect, regard,
esteem and attention, where they are severally