Letters to His Son 1750 | Page 9

proper: he sows them
with care, and he reaps them in plenty.
These amiable accomplishments are all to be acquired by use and
imitation; for we are, in truth, more than half what we are by imitation.
The great point is, to choose good models and to study them with care.
People insensibly contract, not only the air, the manners, and the vices,
of those with whom they commonly converse, but their virtues too, and
even their way of thinking. This is so true, that I have known very plain
understandings catch a certain degree of wit, by constantly conversing
with those who had a great deal. Persist, therefore, in keeping the best
company, and you will insensibly become like them; but if you add
attention and observation, you will very soon become one of them. The
inevitable contagion of company shows you the necessity of keeping
the best, and avoiding all other; for in everyone, something will stick.
You have hitherto, I confess, had very few opportunities of keeping
polite company. Westminster school is, undoubtedly, the seat of
illiberal manners and brutal behavior. Leipsig, I suppose, is not the seat
of refined and elegant manners. Venice, I believe, has done something;
Rome, I hope, will do a great deal more; and Paris will, I dare say, do
all that you want; always supposing that you frequent the best
companies, and in the intention of improving and forming yourself; for
without that intention nothing will do.
I here subjoin a list of all those necessary, ornamental accomplishments
(without which, no man living can either please, or rise in the world)
which hitherto I fear you want, and which only require your care and
attention to possess.
To speak elegantly, whatever language you speak in; without which
nobody will hear you with pleasure, and consequently you will speak to
very little purpose.
An agreeable and distinct elocution; without which nobody will hear
you with patience: this everybody may acquire, who is not born with
some imperfection in the organs of speech. You are not; and therefore it
is wholly in your power. You need take much less pains for it than
Demosthenes did.

A distinguished politeness of manners and address; which common
sense, observation, good company, and imitation, will infallibly give
you if you will accept it.
A genteel carriage and graceful motions, with the air of a man of
fashion: a good dancing-master, with some care on your part, and some
imitation of those who excel, will soon bring this about.
To be extremely clean in your person, and perfectly well dressed,
according to the fashion, be that what it will: Your negligence of your
dress while you were a schoolboy was pardonable, but would not be so
now.
Upon the whole, take it for granted, that without these
accomplishments, all you know, and all you can do, will avail you very
little. Adieu.

LETTER CIII
LONDON, January 25, O. S. 1750
MY DEAR FRIEND: It is so long since I have heard from you, that I
suppose Rome engrosses every moment of your time; and if it
engrosses it in the manner I could wish, I willingly give up my share of
it. I would rather 'prodesse quam conspici'. Put out your time, but to
good interest; and I do not desire to borrow much of it. Your studies,
the respectable remains of antiquity, and your evening amusements
cannot, and indeed ought not, to leave you much time to write. You
will, probably, never see Rome again; and therefore you ought to see it
well now; by seeing it well, I do not mean only the buildings, statues,
and paintings, though they undoubtedly deserve your attention: but I
mean seeing into the constitution and government of it. But these things
certainly occur to your own common sense.
How go, your pleasures at Rome? Are you in fashion there? that is, do
you live with the people who are?--the only way of being so yourself,
in time. Are you domestic enough in any considerable house to be
called 'le petit Stanhope'? Has any woman of fashion and
good-breeding taken the trouble of abusing and laughing at you
amicably to your face? Have you found a good 'decrotteuse'. For those
are the steps by which you must rise to politeness. I do not presume to
ask if you have any attachment, because I believe you will not make me
your confident; but this I will say, eventually, that if you have one, 'il

faut bien payer d'attentions et de petits soin', if you would have your
sacrifice propitiously received. Women are not so much taken by
beauty as men are, but prefer those men who show them the most
attention.
Would you engage the lovely fair? With gentlest manners treat her;
With