La Tontine | Page 5

as for you, Trippet, I permit you to think of possessing me.
Trippet How do you intend to work these miracles?
Jeremy I'm going to disguise myself as a Colonel. Worthy will be my Major. And, as Dr. Peacock doesn't know us because we've always been careful never to come here except when he's visiting patients--ah, what a trick I will play on him. I intend to consult him on a pretended illness. (low to Trippet) Well, Trippet, you're good at this sort of thing. What do you say to it?
Trippet I approve of it. That's all I have to say about it.
Worthy But, tell us everything.
Jeremy I will instruct you as we go. Let's leave now. Time is precious. I'm going to prepare everything. (to Harriet) No goodbyes, beautiful lady. (to Trippet) See you soon, you little flirt. You, Major, follow me.
(Exit Jeremy and Worthy.)
Harriet Do you think it will work?
Trippet Indubitably.
Harriet Don't let me languish any more. Listen to me.
Trippet Hush! Our lovers were right to leave. Here comes Mr. Flem. Follow my lead and pretend to be delighted to marry him.
Harriet What a bore!
Trippet Don't complain. He can easily be fooled.
(Enter Flem.)
Trippet Ah, ah! Mr. Flem, we've heard news of you. You want to marry my mistress?
Flem It's the Doctor who's taken it into his head that I shall marry. As for myself, I never thought of Miss Harriet because of the difference in our ages.
Trippet What difference! You're joking, Mr. Flem. Do you know, you look as young as a man of twenty-five.
Flem Well, as to that matter, I'm still juicy. Got a lot of sap left in me.
Trippet You're cute. You have regular features, good color, noble bearing, graceful manners, and as for your figure, let Miss Harriet speak. (to Harriet) What to you say?
Harriet Well put together.
Trippet His hypodermic syringe is just ravishing.
Harriet It suits him better than a sword.
Trippet And the most gallant cummerbund doesn't look better than his work apron.
Harriet Behold a tasty, well-turned-out dish of a man.
Flem It's delightful to me to hear such words from your mouth, dear lady. They distill an amorous syrup in my soul. Yes, my dear, I already sense the birth in my heart of a feeling for you that I had for my late wife. Haven't I told you, doll, how we lived together, my wife and I?
Harriet Never, I assure you.
Flem Ours will be just such a perfect union.
Trippet Tell us about if, if you please, sir. I'm just crazy to hear about happy marriages. They're so unheard of.
Flem Madame Flem had a lively affection for me.
Trippet Undoubtedly you deserved it.
Flem On my side, I had a particular care for her health. I didn't wait till she was sick to give her a remedy. Every day, by way of precaution, I made her take some medicine.
Trippet Charming little man.
Flem When she was the least bit sick, I redoubled my efforts. Alas, the poor woman didn't live long.
Trippet I believe him.
Flem She had a very delicate constitution. But, if she died, if was not for want of medication. Not for want of remedies.
Trippet Rather the remedies were wanting.
Flem To give her a breath of life, I didn't spare a single drug in my apothecary.
Trippet Oh, miss--what a husband.
Harriet He's worthy of all the feeling I have for him.
Flem You flatter me, my angel.
Harriet No, sir. I swear, I'm not flattering you at all.
Flem For you, sweetheart, I promise to take the same care and the same attention, I lavished on my first wife.
Harriet (low to Trippet) What an engaging prospect.
Flem Every morning and night I will give you some little delight.
Trippet That's bound to please her.
Flem Goodbye, beautiful star. I have to leave you to find Dudley. How impatient I am to have you joined to me. When I even think of it, I am happy.
Trippet You love the pleasures of imagination.
Flem Yes, but I like physical ones better.
(Exit Flem into Dudley's room.)
Trippet Old fool.
Harriet What a man, Trippet. I hate him more than I love Mr. Worthy.
Trippet You hate him so much already?
Harriet Rather than marry him, I am capable of going to the last extremities.
Trippet Stay of that mind. It may be helpful if we can't manage things in an honest way.
Harriet Shut up, you fool, my father is coming.
Trippet Let us continue to dissemble.
Peacock (entering) Well! Trippet, in what frame of mind is your mistress?
Trippet In a mood to obey you. Oh, indeed, we've had a change of mind since you left. We paid attention to your wise advice. Do you know, sir, that we've learned to love old men?
Peacock Are you serious?
Trippet Ask Mr. Flem in what manner we received him. Presently, we have eyes only for your old friend.
Peacock I don't know if you're speaking seriously, but the fact of the matter