La Tontine | Page 4

agreeable to her father. Understand, Harriet? Now, on my return, I expect to find you disposed to receive the hand of Mr. Flem. (exit)
Harriet Did you hear, Trippet? Is there a misfortune equal to mine? Isn't it enough to lose hope of being with Worthy? Now, I must reconcile myself to becoming the wife of this detestable Mr. Flem.
Trippet Flem is difficult to swallow--assuredly.
Harriet Worthy, dear Worthy, what will your despair be when you hear this news?
Trippet Alas! I believe I can already see how unhappy he will be. What a lively sadness moistens his eye. What tears mix with yours. Oh, I loathe the old apothecary.
Harriet Trippet, your joking is unseasonable.
Trippet I'm not joking. I don't know any more than you what the future will hold. But my point of view is different. You see despair and I see cause for hope. I read the future in a way that is more agreeable than you do.
Harriet You are deceiving yourself. I am already unhappy enough to be married to Mr. Flem. Without doubt, I will gag of it. But I will fulfill my destiny. The more I have to suffer, the more my character will grow.
Trippet I know very well that character thrives on hardship--but sometimes hardship corrupts a pure heart.
Harriet I hear a noise. Someone is coming.
Trippet Eh, Miss, it's Mr. Worthy.
Jeremy (entering with Worthy) It's he, himself, Trippet, and your loveable Jeremy.
Trippet You come just in time, gentlemen. Help us avoid the storm that threatens us. Dr. Peacock has promised his daughter to Mr. Flem.
Jeremy To that flat-nosed pharmacist with thick glasses who works in his shop?
Trippet Exactly.
Worthy Is it true?
Trippet So true that the marriage may take place at any time.
Worthy Oh, Harriet! How can you let them drag you to the altar without making the least effort in my behalf?
Harriet What do you expect me to do, Mr. Worthy?
Jeremy Ladies, you have only to follow us to our inn. Our horses are all saddled. We will disappear with you both.
Trippet Good idea. We'll disappear. All's fair in love and war.
Worthy Jeremy, I beg you. Think up some plan to prevent this detestable marriage.
Jeremy That's what I'm dreaming up. Use your imagination, too, Trippet. You're good at this sort of thing.
Trippet All right. Let's stir up our imagination.
Jeremy Well. What have you come up with?
Trippet Wait a while.
Jeremy Dammit, I can't wait forever. I've already decided on the best plan.
Trippet Let's hear it.
Jeremy Simply to make Flem and Doctor Peacock quarrel. Won't that do it?
Trippet Without a doubt.
Worthy Sounds good to me.
Jeremy Right, eh? See how easily I solve the most difficult puzzles.
Trippet But, you haven't said how we'll do it.
Jeremy Right. How to do it? Listen, hasn't some rich person recently died at their hands?
Trippet The Judge. Judge Glanville.
Jeremy That's our luck! All we have to do is to tell the Doctor that Flem says it was the Doctor's prescription that killed the patient. At the same time, we tell Mr. Flem that the Doctor is blaming everything on the way the prescription was compounded.
Worthy I like that idea.
Trippet Won't work.
Harriet Why not?
Trippet I tell you, it won't work. Mr. Flem and Dr. Peacock are too hand-in- glove. For twenty years they've been killing people--some of the nicest people in this city--and they never quarrel over it. And you think they're going to quarrel over a mere magistrate. Why, they've done in lords and ladies.
Jeremy I've got another idea. This one is matchless. Is it true that Doctor Peacock has an insurance policy on some peasant?
Trippet Nothing is more true.
Jeremy So much the better. This gives me the plan, which I believe, must infallibly succeed. I would like to speak to this peasant.
Trippet (pointing) There's the door to his room. You can go in. He's alone.
Jeremy Leave it to me. That's all I need to know.
(Exit Jeremy.)
Harriet What do you suppose he's up to?
Worthy I don't know, but Jeremy is a world-class trickster.
Trippet I've got an idea of my own. See if we don't slow this marriage down.
Harriet (hugging Trippet) You bring me back to life.
Worthy (hugging Trippet) Me, too.
Trippet I see it.
Harriet You don't know how much I'll owe you if you save me from this odious husband.
Trippet Time will tell if you mean that.
Worthy Me, too!
Trippet Poor children. It would be a terrible shame to separate you. You only want to be together.
Worthy Here comes Jeremy.
Jeremy (returning, and still speaking to Dudley) Yes, you have only to do as I told you and you will be delivered from the Doctor's tyranny. Until we meet again. Adieu.
Trippet What? You've already talked to Dudley?
Jeremy I only had two words to say to him. I've warned him. If he plays his role and all goes well, Miss Harriet will today change her name to Worthy. And,