La Tontine | Page 5

Peacock has an insurance policy on some peasant?
Trippet Nothing is more true.
Jeremy So much the better. This gives me the plan, which I believe,
must infallibly succeed. I would like to speak to this peasant.
Trippet (pointing) There's the door to his room. You can go in. He's
alone.
Jeremy Leave it to me. That's all I need to know.
(Exit Jeremy.)
Harriet What do you suppose he's up to?
Worthy I don't know, but Jeremy is a world-class trickster.
Trippet I've got an idea of my own. See if we don't slow this marriage
down.
Harriet (hugging Trippet) You bring me back to life.
Worthy (hugging Trippet) Me, too.
Trippet I see it.
Harriet You don't know how much I'll owe you if you save me from
this odious husband.
Trippet Time will tell if you mean that.
Worthy Me, too!
Trippet Poor children. It would be a terrible shame to separate you.
You only want to be together.
Worthy Here comes Jeremy.

Jeremy (returning, and still speaking to Dudley) Yes, you have only to
do as I told you and you will be delivered from the Doctor's tyranny.
Until we meet again. Adieu.
Trippet What? You've already talked to Dudley?
Jeremy I only had two words to say to him. I've warned him. If he plays
his role and all goes well, Miss Harriet will today change her name to
Worthy. And, as for you, Trippet, I permit you to think of possessing
me.
Trippet How do you intend to work these miracles?
Jeremy I'm going to disguise myself as a Colonel. Worthy will be my
Major. And, as Dr. Peacock doesn't know us because we've always
been careful never to come here except when he's visiting patients--ah,
what a trick I will play on him. I intend to consult him on a pretended
illness. (low to Trippet) Well, Trippet, you're good at this sort of thing.
What do you say to it?
Trippet I approve of it. That's all I have to say about it.
Worthy But, tell us everything.
Jeremy I will instruct you as we go. Let's leave now. Time is precious.
I'm going to prepare everything. (to Harriet) No goodbyes, beautiful
lady. (to Trippet) See you soon, you little flirt. You, Major, follow me.
(Exit Jeremy and Worthy.)
Harriet Do you think it will work?
Trippet Indubitably.
Harriet Don't let me languish any more. Listen to me.
Trippet Hush! Our lovers were right to leave. Here comes Mr. Flem.
Follow my lead and pretend to be delighted to marry him.
Harriet What a bore!
Trippet Don't complain. He can easily be fooled.
(Enter Flem.)
Trippet Ah, ah! Mr. Flem, we've heard news of you. You want to marry
my mistress?
Flem It's the Doctor who's taken it into his head that I shall marry. As
for myself, I never thought of Miss Harriet because of the difference in
our ages.
Trippet What difference! You're joking, Mr. Flem. Do you know, you
look as young as a man of twenty-five.
Flem Well, as to that matter, I'm still juicy. Got a lot of sap left in me.

Trippet You're cute. You have regular features, good color, noble
bearing, graceful manners, and as for your figure, let Miss Harriet
speak. (to Harriet) What to you say?
Harriet Well put together.
Trippet His hypodermic syringe is just ravishing.
Harriet It suits him better than a sword.
Trippet And the most gallant cummerbund doesn't look better than his
work apron.
Harriet Behold a tasty, well-turned-out dish of a man.
Flem It's delightful to me to hear such words from your mouth, dear
lady. They distill an amorous syrup in my soul. Yes, my dear, I already
sense the birth in my heart of a feeling for you that I had for my late
wife. Haven't I told you, doll, how we lived together, my wife and I?
Harriet Never, I assure you.
Flem Ours will be just such a perfect union.
Trippet Tell us about if, if you please, sir. I'm just crazy to hear about
happy marriages. They're so unheard of.
Flem Madame Flem had a lively affection for me.
Trippet Undoubtedly you deserved it.
Flem On my side, I had a particular care for her health. I didn't wait till
she was sick to give her a remedy. Every day, by way of precaution, I
made her take some medicine.
Trippet Charming little man.
Flem When she was the least bit sick, I redoubled my efforts. Alas, the
poor woman didn't live long.
Trippet I believe him.
Flem She had a very delicate constitution. But, if she died, if was not
for want of medication. Not for want of remedies.
Trippet Rather the remedies were wanting.
Flem To give her a breath of life, I didn't