O:
1) Wearing the same style of clothes.
2) Reclining or standing in the same way.
3) Walking in synchrony, your legs going back and forth at the same
time.
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4) Following the same bodily rhythm: when sitting, swinging your foot
at the same pace, or drumming a finger with the same rhythm O
moves a foot, or blinking at the same time, or breathing at the same
pace, or matching O’s respiratory rhythm with the movements of
your hand.
5) Seeming to hold the same beliefs, values, or feelings.
External Alignment which seems to be calculated—for example,
obviously mimicking someone else’s movements—tends to create
mistrust and irritation.
Internal Alignment is seeming to feel what you are saying; you
reduce your Internal Alignment by expressing conflicting emotions
with your body.
Examples of violations of Internal Alignment:
1) Having a blank expression or folding your arms when you’re talking
about how wonderful it is to fall in love.
2) Leaving one arm limp at your side when you talk about what a great
deal you’re offering.
3) Making an assertion with a voice pitch that’s rising.
4) Shaking your head while you’re smiling in agreement.
5) Tensing your body while you say “Yes”.
Alignment engages the Other person.
Internal Alignment is seeming to whole-heartedly feel and believe
what you say.
External Alignment is seeming to share the Other person’s feelings
and/or beliefs.
Verbal Matching is a fast way to create External Alignment.
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10. The Alpha State, or What Happens When You Match Really Well
Matching the Other’s values, beliefs, emotions, and physiology
creates a sense of trust and shared understanding, or rapport.
The stronger the degree of your rapport with O, the more open
O’s Gut is to being influenced by you.
When you create extremely strong rapport, O will likely move
into a state very conducive to learning, a state we call the Alpha State, or
just Alpha. We call it this because deep physiological relaxation is
associated with a high proportion of Alpha brain waves (so, for that
matter, is watching TV, which is one reason commercials work so well).
In Alpha, the Head stops analyzing, and the Gut becomes extremely
sensitive to what you show and say and do; in essence, O moves into
Alpha because the inspiration for Alpha (in this case, you) is providing
such accurate information and such rich stimulation that the Gut decides
that it wants to soak up as much input from this source as possible.
There are two major signs that O is in Alpha. Either O’s features
will relax and O will in consequence look dreamy, or O will look very
intent, but perhaps with a glassy, defocused quality to the gaze.
Behaviorally, because the Head is now passive and the Gut is dominant,
O will seem passive generally: O will be fairly still, and will await input,
especially verbal input, from you.
If there is no input, or if it takes too long to arrive, O will leave
Alpha.
Once you get O in Alpha, keep talking and acting.
When you move O into Alpha, the impact of your Output is
magnified, amplified, intensified. A vague word like “satisfaction” can
evoke vivid images, recollections, and fantasies of what “satisfaction”
feels like, the sensations being felt with unusual power, the images being
seen in bright colors or as if beneath a magnifying glass, the sounds
being heard as if from a loudspeaker inside O’s mind.
O can leave Alpha at any time, the basic principle being that O
will remain in Alpha so long as Alpha feels good. O may bob in and out
of Alpha; if O comes out and then goes back in, O will likely go in
deeper than before.
Think of the experience of Alpha as resembling that of a good
massage. As long as it feels good, you’ll want to remain lying there. If
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the masseuse/masseur stops touching you, or loses the rhythm, or does
something upsetting, or you suddenly just get bored, you may want to
get up. Otherwise, you’ll lie there, relax, and enjoy it.
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10. The Gut, or What Alignment Targets
On a rational, analytical level, the fact that someone shares your taste in
suits, or graduated from Wharton the same year your sister did, or is
breathing at the same pace you are, is not a good argument for treating
this person’s words more seriously. Nonetheless, similarity—
alignment—causes just this effect. Why?
Briefly, someone in communication with another offers and
interprets two kinds of information, the logical and the emotional.
Logical information tends to come in the form of, and be interpreted by,
words. Emotional information is conveyed by, and formed from,
nuances: Is this person similar to me? Does this person make me feel
good? Does he/she dress the way I like? Does he/she seem to believe
what he/she is saying? Is he/she good-looking? Is his/her voice pleasant
to listen to?
What we can call the Head distinguishes causes from effects—A
causes B.
What we can call the Gut notes associations—A goes with B.
THE HEAD
The Head distinguishes causes from effects,
assigns names, and interprets complex language.
THE GUT
The Gut associates experiences with emotional states,
looks for relationships, and moves toward what is
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