J D Fuentes - Basic Arousal | Page 7

similar or familiar.

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When people feel alike and enjoy a state of rapport, they’ll tend
to display a form of External Alignment called postural echo—that is,
they’ll start sitting or standing the same way, leaning forward or back the
same way, and so forth. You’ve probably noticed young couples
walking in synch, or sitting with legs crossed identically, or seen
members of a group (cops, for example, or teenage gangs) all in the same
pose.
On a logical level, feeling similarity causes External Alignment
and postural echo.
On an emotional level, the two just go together. This means that
if you create External Alignment with someone who doesn’t naturally
feel similar to you, this person will begin to feel similar to you. Why?
Well, you’re displaying External Alignment, and that occurs when people
feel rapport, so, instinctively, the other person’s Gut assumes that he/she
should also feel rapport...
Note that logical information, in the form of words, represents
only a tiny fraction of all the information being conveyed in a face-to-
face encounter. The bulk of the information being conveyed is conveyed
through nuance.
The difference between the amount of information conveyed by
words and the amount of information conveyed by all the gestures and
inflections that go with those words can be compared to the difference
between dots-and-dashes and a waveform.
Words are either presented or they’re not, and on paper, when
words are presented, they have a certain meaning. Picture logical,
semantic information—words--as a series of dots and dashes:
In face to face conversation, words are modified by
conversational nuances. Nuances, unlike words, vary by degrees—the
question is not whether someone has a mouth, but how convincing is its
smile or frown.
Picture that series of dots and dashes being turned sideways, to
reveal a waveform with huge peaks and valleys.

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These peaks and valleys can be thought of as holding all those
nuances—someone’s facial expression, posture, gestures, etc. Because
we display our emotions with our bodies, these peaks and valleys are full
of information about the other person’s emotional state, and his/her fears,
desires, and intentions. What the Gut cares about are not the dots and
dashes, but all those juicy curves and troughs.
The power of GutTalk comes from its emphasis on knowing
what to do with all those emotional peaks and valleys, and how to pack
every last bit of gut-level punch inside the seemingly simple dots and
dashes. The object is to make sure your message goes straight to the Gut.

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11. Internal Alignment and Congruence, or
How to Project Integrity, Truthfulness, and Determination
How you say something has more impact than what you say.
If what you say doesn’t seem to affect your listener’s emotions,
it’s probably because the way you’ve been saying it takes the power out
of what you’ve said.
You say as much or more with your body and the style of your
speech than you do with words. The way you communicate--the way
you seem to feel--has a deep impact on the way you are interpeted, and
the feelings you create in the person you're communicating to.
When you talk to some other person (“O”), O is instinctively
comparing your body language and vocal delivery with the raw meaning
of your words, because the meaning of your words is either reinforced or
contradicted by the way you move and look and sound. This in turn
means that there are several levels on which your facial expressions,
gestures, words, and vocal tonality can seem heartfelt, or insincere;
impassioned, or listless; confident, or self-doubting; exciting, or dull; and
ultimately, pleasing, or not. Ultimately, O is not only registering what
you say on an analytical level, but trying to feel you out on a gut level
too.
Communicating effectively, then, is a matter of reaching
someone on a gut level.
Often unconsciously, you are influencing O's feelings towards
you with the way you move and gesture, your posture, your gaze, and
your varying facial expressions; you are communicating with the tone of
your voice, its changes in rhythm, its rising and falling and bursts and
starts; you are conveying things with the dilation of your pupils, the
swelling or thinning of your lips, the blush or pallor of your cheeks, and
the patterns of your breath.
Many of these cues may seem absurdly minute, the sort of thing
no one notices.
In fact, on a rational, intellectual level, we rarely do notice these
things; and though we don't consciously notice them, on a gut, instinctive
level, these are the things that push and pull our feelings, that drive us
away or open us up--that remain with us, as we feel our way through a
conversation or try to remember its general sense. And these gut-level
reactions form the basis of the beliefs we later, analytically, find reasons
to support.

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12. Internal Alignment and Expressiveness, or
How to Radiate Magnetic Intensity
The more emotion you express, the easier it is for O’s Gut to
share the emotion you’re expressing. If you want someone to feel
something, you should embody the emotion yourself first. Show O what
the emotion looks like, and sounds like, so that O knows what to feel
like. The more emotion you