Hold Up Your Heads, Girls! | Page 4

true, we should oftener be able to understand certain
full-mouthed speakers, deep thinkers, and philosophers. They do any
thing but electrify, and suggest little more than sleep and weariness.
Others will reply that successful talking is the effect of personal
magnetism. That may be true to a slight degree. When certain strangers
enter the room, we sometimes realize at once that it will be extremely
difficult to say any more than yes or no to them; while others,

previously unknown to us, may come in and draw out thoughts from us
in rapid succession,--thoughts we hardly knew we were capable of
expressing. But I would define a large part of the personal magnetism
used in talking as an honest compound of heartiness, thoughtfulness,
and sympathy.
Conversation does not demand that we should always be vivacious,
sparkling, witty, fanciful, or even that we should use beautiful language;
but good talk does ask for heart and interest. Put your heart into what
you have to say: put your interest into it, and your conscience will be
awakened, your zeal will be aroused; then you will compel attention,
and set others thinking also. De Quincy writes, "From the heart, from
an interest of love or hatred, of hope or care, springs all permanent
eloquence; and the elastic spring of conversation is gone if the talker is
a mere showy man of talent, pulling at an oar which he detests."
These things being true, it seems to me that character is the first
requirement in the art of conversation. I take it for granted that every
girl can, with perseverance, acquire a fluent use of words; for this
depends mainly on practice: so I shall try to indicate those qualities
which lie back of the words, and which give life to them. Even the
nature of a talk will have its source in character, and to character it will
return. Whatever chance or circumstance brings about a conversation, it
will generally lead to such expressions of ideas as will show the
dispositions of the conversers.
Just here, girls, let me remark, that, if by any slang or catch words you
thoughtlessly express yourselves, the danger is, your character will be
misunderstood, and your pure hearts but merry minds will be censured
for what is not in them. Depend upon it, your own personality will be
inferred from what you say, hence the value of utter sincerity in what
you talk.
Naturally, we are led to think about courtesy and good manners as
requirements in the art of talking. Have you not met certain men and
women who, when they opened their mouths to speak to you, conferred
a favor on you? and, when they spoke, have you not felt the benediction
descending on your heads? I have. They were not always scholars, nor
were they great people, nor rich people, but mannered people. Such
persons used their words as if they expected words from you, for which
they would be grateful. They did not monopolize conversation, neither

did they frequently interrupt; but when they had a suggestion to offer,
opportunity being afforded, they spoke honestly, though politely, their
good sound thoughts,--ideas which frequently destroyed the evil of
gossip or impatiently uttered remarks.
Conversation does not depend upon rapidity of speech, as certain
impulsive persons seem to think. I acknowledge that much of the
interruption in conversation, and much of the monopoly, and a large
number of the quick, almost angry words, result from eagerness rather
than conceit or selfishness. If one cannot be animated without rapid
speech, let him talk fast. It is a bad practice, however, even in the ablest
talkers.
One can have opinions, and yet not use them to knock down one's
opponents who have had no chance to arm against one. Do not be
ungenerous, girls, selfish, in talking. Allow that some one else may
have ideas as good as yours. George Eliot says, in "Daniel Deronda," "I
cannot bear people to keep their minds bottled up for the sake of letting
them off with a pop." That is not conversation: it is a selfish display of
a few treasured maxims or witticisms or opinions.
If courtesy, deference, patience, and generosity are needed to talk well,
then certainly sympathy is necessary. A woman who has no
comfortable word for her sister woman had better talk to the wall. But I
need not reproach girls for lack of sympathy, nor for lack of interest in
the girls they meet. Their confidence in new friends is so absolute; their
desire to receive sympathy, as well as to give it, is so great, that they
frequently impart their whole lists of secrets to the bosoms of others
whom they have not known a month. Now a more careful use of
sympathy and confidence will induce