Hold Up Your Heads, Girls! | Page 5

not only good manners but good
talk. It will tell you how to avoid such subjects as would give rise to
unpleasant, even quarrelsome, talk. It will show you when you have
talked too long with one person in a mixed company, and when you are
wounding the feelings of another by paying no regard to her.
Impartial treatment of those we meet in society is certainly very
charming. We say it is a great accomplishment to be able to speak a
pleasant word to the neighbor on the right, and a different, though
equally expressive, one to the friend on the left. Mary likes books,
Sallie prefers society, Ruth enjoys housekeeping, Margaret is fond of
music. Then why not ask Mary if she has noticed the beautiful

woodcuts in the last Harper's, or seen the new edition of Hawthorne?
Why not inquire of Sallie about the last matinee and the last hop? Why
not ask Ruth how she made those delicious rolls, and how she prepared
the coffee, or how she manages to make her room look so cheerful and
cosey? And why not make Margaret give you her opinion of Wagner or
of Beethoven?
I cannot dwell too long on the necessity of that adaptability to others
which a kind and sympathetic heart will always strive for in
conversation. Suppose you do not know the group amidst which you
are seated in a drawing-room, and it is expected you will all become
acquainted? Well, if it must be, say something to Miss Brown about
yesterday's storm or today's sunshine; something to Miss Eliot about
the kindness of your hostess, who is entertaining her friends in her
usual hospitable manner, with a word to each just suited to the
individual addressed; and something to Mrs. Hammerton about the
pleasant surroundings,--a picture near you, a book, a vase of exquisite
form.
But suppose you are to talk with a gentleman? Why, begin with just
such remarks as you would use to a sensible girl; and, if he does not
seem to care for them, turn his attention to the world of his own
affairs,--to the street and the office. A man often takes pleasure in
giving information about matters of great public interest of which so
many girls are ignorant. After you have passed a few remarks about the
last election, or the new town-hall, you will probably find out what he
prefers to discuss, and then you can easily entertain him, and be
entertained in return. I think that most men are quite as fond of general
topics in conversation as women are; and I fail to see the necessity of
introducing different subjects for gentlemen than for ladies,--I mean
when both young men and young women appreciate what it is to be
gentlemen and ladies.
Girls, why do so many of you indulge in so much smaller talk with men
than with women? Because it is expected of you? Only by a few, and
they make themselves very absurd by always trying to say nonsensical
things to you. Men of this sort appear to have an impression that you
are still children amused with a Jack-in-the-box which springs up in a
very conceited hobgoblin way. Everybody likes a joke, and at times
feels a childlike pleasure in speaking nonsense; but, believe me, sense

is much more attractive in conversation.
Discretion in conversation really implies a peculiar tact of woman, a
kind of cleverness, not so frequently found in men, and very seldom
met with in boys. When a woman sees her guests are led by a
monopolizer along unsafe channels of thought, she can easily, by that
happy faculty of hers, bring them back again where all will run
smoothly. She can change the subject by some little remark irrelevant
to it. Perhaps adaptability comes from discretion. When you are talking
with Englishmen,--well, do not talk quite as Englishmen do, though
they may be perfectly sincere; but talk as Americans talk. Say a the
way they do in Boston, or wherever else you may belong: stick to your
own town's forms of speech so long as they are reasonable. Above all
things, do not ape the peculiar pronunciations of certain individuals.
Affectation, imitation in talk, is ruinous. Be yourselves! Girls and boys
are not themselves as much as they ought to be.
Being honest, still adapt yourselves to new people as you would to new
scenes: talk with the Englishman on such subjects as he prefers. When
you are speaking with honest country people about the beauty of their
fields, do not talk about "Flora spreading her fragrant mantle on the
superficies of the earth, and bespangling the verdant grass with her
beauteous adornments." Use baby talk to babies; kind and simple words
to the aged; a good, round, cheerful