Hocken and Hunken | Page 4

you follow that up, as you followed it between 'Bias and me--"
"I don't want my missus to wear a beard, if that's what you mean."
"'Twasn't a good illustration, I admit. But the p'int is, I like 'Bias
because he's 'Bias, an' 'Bias likes me because I'm Cai Hocken. That
bein' so, don't it follow we're goin' to be better friends than ever, now
we've hauled ashore to do as likes us?"
The barber shook his head. "You're determined to have off your
chin-beard?"
"To be sure. I'm ashore now, aren't I?--and free to wear what face I
choose."
"You won't find it so, Cap'n."
"T'ch't! You landsmen be so fed with liberty you don't know your
privileges. If you don't like your habits, what hinders you from changin'
'em? But do you? Here I come back: here's th' old Town Quay same as
ever it was; and here likewise you all be, runnin' on as I left 'ee, like a
clockwork--a bit slower with age maybe--that's all. Whereby I conclude
your ways content ye."
"You're wrong, Cap'n Cai--you're wrong. We bide by our habits--an',
more by token, here comes Mr Philp. 'Morning, Mr Philp." The barber,
without turning, nodded towards the newcomer as he entered--a short
man, aged about sixty, with a square-cut grey beard, sanguine

complexion, and blue eyes that twinkled with a deceptive appearance of
humour. "Here's Cap'n Cai Hocken, home from sea."
"Eh? I am very glad to see you, Cap'n Hocken," said Mr Philp politely.
"There's a post-card waitin' for you, up at the Office."
Captain Cai sat bolt upright of a sudden, narrowly missing a wound
from the scissors. "That will be from 'Bias! To think I hadn' sense
enough to go straight to the Post Office and inquire!"
"'Tis from your friend, sure enough," announced Mr Philp. "He paid off
his crew last Toosday, an' took his discharge an' the train down to
Plymouth. He've bought a wardrobe there--real wornut--an' 'tis comin'
round by sea. There's a plate-chest, too, he thinks you may fancy--
price thirty-five shillin secondhand: an' he hopes to reach Troy the day
after next, which by the post-mark is to-morra."
"Mr Philp," explained the barber, "calls in at the Office every mornin'
to read all the post-cards. 'Tis one of his habits."
"Recent bereavement?" asked Mr Philp, before Captain Cai could well
digest this.
"Eh?"
"Recent bereavement?" Mr Philp was examining the tall hat, which he
had picked up to make room for his own person on the customers'
bench.
"That's another of his aptitoods," the barber interpolated. "He attends
all the funerals in the parish."
"In the midst o' life we are in death," observed Mr Philp. "That's a cert,
Cap'n Hocken, an' your hat put me in mind of it."
"Oh, 'tis my hat you're meanin'? What's wrong with it?"
"Did I say there was anything wrong? No, I didn't--God forbid! An' no
doubt," concluded Mr Philp cheerfully, "the fashions'll work round to it

again."
"I'll change it for another."
"You won't find that too easy, will you?" The barber paused in his
snipping, and turned about for a thoughtful look at the hat.
"I mean I'll buy another, of a different shape. First the beard, then the
headgear--as I was tellin' Toy, a man ashore can reggilate his ways as
he chooses, an here's to prove it."
"They do say a clean shave is worth two virtuous resolutions,"
answered the barber, shaking his head Again. "And you're makin' a
brave start, I don't deny. But wait till you pick up with a few real
habits."
"What sort o' habits?"
"The sort that come to man first-along in the shape o' duties--like
church-goin'. Look here, Cap'n, I'll lay a wager with 'ee. . . . Soon as
you begin to walk about this town a bit, you'll notice a terrible lot o'
things that want improvin'--"
"I don't need to walk off the Town Quay for that."
"Ah, an' I daresay it came into your head that if you had the orderin' of
Bussa you wouldn' be long about it? The town'll think it, anyway.
We're a small popilation in Troy, all tied up in neighbourly feelin's an'
hangin' together till--as the sayin' is--you can't touch a cobweb without
hurtin' a rafter. What the town's cryin' out for is a new broom--a man
with ideas, eh, Mr Philp?--above all, a man who's independent. So first
of all they'll flatter ye up into standin' for the Parish Council, and put ye
head o' the poll--"
"Tut, man!" interrupted Captain Cai, flushing a little. "What do I know
about such things? Not o' course that I shan't take an interest--as a
ratepayer--"

"To be sure. I heard a man say, only last Saturday, sittin' in that very
chair, as there was