Frosts Laws and By-Laws of American Society | Page 6

be truly polite, one must be at once good, just and generous, has
been well said by a modern French writer:
"True politeness is the outward visible sign of those inward spiritual
graces called modesty, unselfishness, generosity. The manners of a
gentleman are the index of his soul. His speech is innocent, because his
life is pure; his thoughts are direct, because his actions are upright; his
bearing is gentle, because his blood, and his impulses, and his training
are gentle also. A true gentleman is entirely free from every kind of

pretence. He avoids homage, instead of exacting it. Mere ceremonies
have no attractions for him. He seeks not only to say civil things, but to
do them. His hospitality, though hearty and sincere, will be strictly
regulated by his means. His friends will he chosen for their good
qualities and good manners; his servants for their thoughtfulness and
honesty; his occupations for their usefulness, or their gracefulness, or
their elevating tendencies, whether moral, or mental, or political. And
so we come round again to our first maxims, _i.e._, that 'good manners
are the kindly fruit of a refined nature.'
"And if this be true of mankind, how still more true is it of womankind!
Granted that truthfulness, gracefulness, considerateness, unselfishness,
are essential to the breeding of a true gentleman, how infinitely
essential must they be to the breeding of a true lady! That her tact
should be even readier, her sympathies even tenderer, her instinct even
finer than those of the man, seems only fit and natural. In her politeness,
prevcyance, and all the minor observances of etiquette, are absolutely
indispensable. She must be even more upon her guard than a man in all
those niceties of speech, look and manner, which are the especial and
indispensable credentials of good breeding. Every little drawing-room
ceremonial, all the laws of society, the whole etiquette of hospitality
must be familiar to her. And even in these points, artificial though they
be, her best guide after all, is that kindness of heart which gives honor
where honor is due, and which is ever anxious to spare the feelings and
prejudices of others.
"Every mistress of a house, be it remembered, is a minor sovereign,
upon whose bounty the comfort, and happiness, and refinement of her
little court depends. She must take especial care that her servants are
capable, well trained and reliable, and that her domestic arrangements
are carried on as noiselessly and easily as if by machinery. In a well
ordered house the machinery is always in order, and always works out
of sight. No well-bred woman talks of her servants, of her dinner
arrangements, or the affairs of her nursery. One feels these matters to
be under her surveillance, and that fact alone is a guarantee of their
good management. The amusements and comforts of her guests are
provided for without discussion or comment; and whatever goes wrong
is studiously withheld from the conversation of the drawing-room. And
let no lady, however young, however beautiful, however gifted, for one

moment imagine that the management of her house can be neglected
with impunity. If she is rich enough to provide an efficient housekeeper,
well and good; but, even so, the final responsibility must still rest upon
her, and her alone. No tastes, no pleasures must stand in the way of this
important duty; and even if that duty should at first seem irksome, the
fulfillment of it is sure to bring its own reward.
"The very atmosphere of the house proclaims the mistress. The servants
wear a cheerful air, and meet you with candid and friendly faces; the
rooms are tastefully furnished; an irreproachable cleanliness and
neatness reign around. The unexpected guest finds an orderly table and
an unembarrassed welcome. In such a house, scandal finds no favor,
and conversation never degenerates into gossip. In such a home, peace
and plenty and goodwill are permanent household gods."
The most perfect law of politeness, the safest and surest guide in all
that pertains to the true definition of a gentleman or lady is, after all,
the Christian rule:
"Do unto others as you would others should do unto you."
No one with this for a guide can ever fail in true, genuine politeness,
and that politeness will soon lead him to learn and remember all the
prevailing rules of established etiquette.
INTRODUCTIONS.
NEVER introduce people to each other unless you are sure the
acquaintance so commenced will be mutually agreeable.
A person who, from youth, social position or any other cause, stands in
the inferior position of the two persons to be introduced to each other,
must be introduced to the superior. A gentleman is always to be
introduced to a lady, never a lady to a gentleman.
At a ball, it is