Essays on the Stage | Page 5

but think you, I warrant, 'twas about some Charitable
Duty that his sacred Function and Piety oblig'd him to, such as
Exhorting the poor Souls to confess their Crimes, in order to be sav'd,
or the like; no, faith, but quite contrary, for he was rather hardning
them, and infusing a strong Portion of his own obstinacy, to fortifie 'em
for their dubious Journey; and in few minutes after, possess'd with a
stronger Spirit of Priesthood than e'er, for some past Ages there has
been Example for, pronounc'd the Absolution, the extremest and most
mysterious Grace the Church can possibly give to the most repentant
Sinner, to wretches Justly condemn'd by Law to die, for the most
horrible Crimes in nature, _viz._ the intended Murder of the King, and
Subversion of the Protestant Religion and Government. Now that such
a Person should set up for a Protestant Example, and a Teacher of
Morality, is somewhat new, for upon my veracity, this Gentleman may
insinuate as he pleases, that our Church, and its Doctrines govern his
heart; but as to that matter what may be in his heart I can't tell, but if a
Pope is not crept into his belly, very near it, I am very much mistaken.
Pliny indeed, in his Natural History, _Lib._ 28, _Cap._ 10. tells ye, He

that is bitten by a Scorpion may have relief, if immediately he go and
whisper his grief into the Ear of an Ass. This Historian, perhaps, had so
great credit with these Malefactors that they thought the remedy, by
Auricular Confession, might serve too in their Concerns. But we are
confirm'd, they were enough mistaken in the rest of their Opinions, and
so 'tis very likely were in this. If this Parallel be found a little gross, I
hope the Reader will excuse it, when he examines the bold Critick's
Stile relating to the Poets. Besides, how wise soever he may be in other
things, I'm sure all those that are so, and true Sons of the Church, when
they reflect on that Action of his, will own that he deserves that, or a
worse Title. And so to proceed.
But before we inspect further, or touch upon the Moralist's Immorality,
for I dare ingage it is not altogether impossible to prove, the Pulpiteer
may be tainted a little as well as the Poetaster, let us see whether we
can find him guilty of the first Charge against us, which is
_Immodesty_; and upon this subject indeed, if our Learn'd Reformer
did not impose upon us with a Fallacy, I should (to shew my good
Nature walk hand in hand with my resentment) once more admire him
for his Character of Modesty in the 11th page of his Book, which is, to
do him Justice, very fine; but then he only tells us of one kind of
Modesty, when he knows there are two, and therein he is Falacious, in
not exposing the other, which is decency of Speech and Behaviour; and
truly, meerly, I believe, through a conscious reflection of his own
frequent miscarriages in that case. If therefore, these Papers differ a
little from that Civility which is proper, I beg the Readers pardon, and
assure him 'tis only in imitation of his Stile to me, as all those that read
his Book may find.
For, in the first place, he does not shew his own, nor, indeed, any part
of decent modesty, in exposing any Gentlemans Name in print, when
the subject matter is Satyr, Reflection, Scandal, _&c._ and in which
case I believe the Law might do Justice, if apply'd to; but if not, I am
sure good Manners, and civil Education, ought to tie the Cassock as
close as the Sash or Sursingle; but this our Divine helper, most
Bully-like, disallows; for he, puff'd with his Priestly Authority, calls us
boldly to the Bar of his Injustice by our own Names, the same minute

that he is roaringly accusing us of Blasphemy, Smuttery, Foolery, and a
thousand Monstrosities besides, as he'd make you believe; unless for
variety, he picks out one amongst the rest, now and then, to abuse a
little more civilly, and then, rubbing up his old College Wit, he
Nicknames 'em, as you may find elegantly made out at the latter end of
his Book, (for he shall see that I have read it quite through, and can hop
over pages as fast as he for the life of him) where he can find no other
Name or Character for two Gentlemen of Honour and Merit, _viz._ Mr.
Congreve and Captain Vanbrooke, who have written several excellent
Plays, and who are only scandalous to our Critick, by being good Poets,
yet these he can give no other Names or Characters, but what are