Dr. Lewis B. Turndevelts Big Book of Forewords | Page 3

now on publishers just recycle prefaces from other
books into new works they have coming out. Think of the time and
money that would be saved by recycling, by giving back to the world
what was already theirs. With that goal in mind, I would like to start the
trend by declaring this particular preface is made up of no less than
68% post-consumer preface waste. In fact, all of the words that you
read on this page have been used before in other publications, as well

as many of the phrases and sayings. Some might call this style of
writing "tired" and "lazy," or perhaps even "stealing," but I prefer to
think of it as "frugal" and "efficient." I think my choice of words puts a
more positive spin on the whole affair.
It would be both easier and more practical to develop this idea further
into a working trend for all books. And I guarantee you that nine times
out of ten neither you nor I would really even notice the difference.
Have you ever read the original preface to The Art Of War? Well...
actually, I haven't either, but I can pretty much guarantee you that if
there is one, it is much more interesting, and informative, than this is
turning out to be. Just imagine with me how much better off we all
would have been if I had only lifted that neglected preface from the
annals of history and stuck it right down, smack dab at the front of my
own book. The acidic tone of my rambling would have been avoided,
and perhaps we could have learned a little something about strategic
positioning for surprise attacks on an enemy compound. We all would
have felt pretty good about that, wouldn't we? Indeed we would have.
And for those that did pick up on the lifting, they could just consider it
getting a bonus. Nothing lost, and a little something extra gained. Like
the free prize at the bottom of the box of cereal, or the fruit nestled at
the bottom of a cup of yogurt. There is supposed to be fruit at the
bottom, isn't there?
So in summary, I ask you... No, I beg you, shamelessly and beautifully
as men are supposed to beg, that you petition your local book
publishers of choice and demand that they quit wasting our precious
time and their precious resources by having people write new book
introductions and prefaces. What's wrong with the old ones? And again
I say, nothing. Nothing at all. But forewords, now those are another
matter entirely...
******************** Section 1: The Preamble
********************
Introduction
If we open up our Bibles to the book of Ecclesiastes, and scan down to

the beginning of the third chapter, we find the familiar passage "To
every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck
up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to
break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance." It kind of keeps on going like
that for a little while longer, but you get the basic gist of it. There's a
time for everything, and consequently, a need for everything. Lately, I
have been missing out on a few of those things.
It's getting about that time. No no, not the time to kill... Right now I'm
feeling that it's time for a break, time for a rest. For the past several
years I have been dedicating myself to writing book forewords to
everything from amateur moose-hunting guides to children's coloring
books. Years. Sixteen long years, to be exact. It's quite a long time (and
if you don't believe me, just wait around for sixteen years and see how
long it takes), and it's now the perfect opportunity to take a break,
stretch my legs and go outside to see what the world has to offer. So I
plan on doing just that.
For the next year it will be a time to relax and enjoy, and a time for me
to take a much-needed vacation. Where am I going? What will I be
doing? Well, that's really none of your business, now is it? No, I should
think not. Suffice it to say that where I'm going the ground will be
cleaner, the fresh mountain spring water will be purer, and the sweet
candy that the kiddies enjoy so much is available at the everyday low
prices that you've come to expect. Or at least that's the trip to the snacks
aisle at the local