David Copeland - Seduction | Page 7

hit it off, making out almost to the point of having sex the night before I left.
She said that she had a thing going with another guy, but that we was openly non-monogamous,
that she never had been monogamous, and that she was really interested in “exploring our con-
nection.” We talked on the phone after I left, and she said things like she couldn’t wait to have
sex with me. Thinking that all was going great, and genuinely liking this girl a LOT, I decided to
book a flight out to see her again this coming weekend (a guy friends was going anyway, so I’m
just tagging along with him). She said she was very excited about seeing me.
Things were great until last night, when she called and said, “I have to tell you something.
I’ve been talking with the guy I’m dating about this, and I just don’t feel in my heart that I can
start another sexual relationship right now. There’s just too much possibility for hurt feelings.”
But she went on to say that she was profoundly attracted to me, wanted to spend the weekend
with me, and even wanted me to sleep with her in her bed. She also said stuff like “I’m very
open to whatever might happen.” I was really bummed out, but I didn’t say much on the call, so
I know I didn’t burn any bridges with her...on the other hand, I don’t want to go out there and
waste my time with her. What should I do?
—BAFFLED
DEARBAFFLED,
It sounds like she is having a “why not” problem. A “why not” problem is a woman often
has right before she has sex with you. She is getting close with you, it’s looking like she is
going to get sexual with you, and it scares her. She starts looking around in her mind, asking
herself, “This guy seems pretty cool. Why shouldn’t I have sex with him?” Then she answers
her own question: Things are moving too fast. It could complicate her life. You might leave her,
like everybody else. Perhaps you should just be friends instead. There’s some other guy she’s
interested in, and she doesn’t want to feel like a slut if she has sex with you. Whatever.
The key to understanding “why not” problems is understanding that, most of the time, the
woman just needs to saywhatever is scaring her, whatever is on her mind. She needs to know
that if she has a problem, you’ll listen to her about it. She needs to speak her concern, not nec-
essarilyliveit.
The worst thing you can do in the face of a “why not” problem is to argue about it. If it is a
“why not” problem, she just needed to speak it; by arguing about it or getting really upset, all
you do is make the problem more real to her. This means not asking her, “But why?” This

means not telling her you are angry: “You bitch, you couldn’t have told me this before I bought
my ticket!” And it means not pointing out her logical inconsistencies: “Hey, you said you were
non-monogamous, what happened?” or “You said you wanted to see how things would unfold,
why are you taking control and commanding that we not be sexual?” All of these approaches
will only make the “why not” problem more real in her mind.
In your case, it is likely that she needed to say what was on her mind—that it was upsetting
her life (or, more likely, this other guy) to think about being sexual with you, and she felt better
telling herself (and you) that sex wasn’t an option. Once you are in front of her, however, the
chances are good that she will “feel in her heart” that being sexual is the right idea, and every-
thing will be f ine. Once again, she just needed to state her problem.
Your task is to gether communication, and to keep seducing her. If she really doesn’t want
to be sexual with you, you’ll f ind out once she is in front of you, and you try to kiss her (it goes
without saying that you would neverforce her in any way).
But what if she is serious, and really isn’t going to have sex with you? What should you do?
It’s critical that you be willing to walk away from this woman...if she’s your “one and only
hope” for sex in your life, you may want to consider not going on the trip. You must keep
reminding yourself that dating is a numbers game, and be willing to walk away from her. When
you get together with her, continue the seduction. If the energy is there to kiss her, then kiss her.
If she isn’t into it, and gives you a lot of static about wanting to hang out and not be sexual, get
away from her. We can see that it’s possible that you’ll hang out with her an hour or two the f irst
day, and