Count Fathom, part 2 | Page 3

the army, and I
myself may say I was born with a spontoon in my hand. Sir, I have had
the honour to serve his Majesty these twenty years, and have been
bandied about in the course of duty through all the British plantations,
and you see the recompense of all my service. But this is a disagreeable
subject, and therefore I shall waive it; however, as Butler observes:
My only comfort is, that now My dubbolt fortune is so low, That either
it must quickly end, Or turn about again and mend.
"And now, to return from this digression, you will perhaps be surprised
to hear that the head or chairman of our club is really a sovereign
prince; no less, I'll assure you, than the celebrated Theodore king of
Corsica, who lies in prison for a debt of a few hundred pounds. Heu!
quantum mutatus ab illo. It is not my business to censure the conduct of
my superiors; but I always speak my mind in a cavalier manner, and as,
according to the Spectator, talking to a friend is no more than thinking
aloud, entre nous, his Corsican majesty has been scurvily treated by a
certain administration. Be that as it will, he is a personage of a very
portly appearance, and is quite master of the bienseance. Besides, they
will find it their interest to have recourse again to his alliance; and in
that case some of us may expect to profit by his restoration. But few

words are best.
"He that maintains the second rank in our assembly is one Major
Macleaver, an Irish gentleman, who has served abroad; a soldier of
fortune, sir, a man of unquestionable honour and courage, but a little
overbearing, in consequence of his knowledge and experience. He is a
person of good address,--to be sure, and quite free of the mauvaise
honte, and he may have seen a good deal of service. But what then?
other people may be as good as he, though they have not had such
opportunities; if he speaks five or six languages, he does not pretend to
any taste in the liberal arts, which are the criterion of an accomplished
gentleman.
"The next is Sir Mungo Barebones, the representative of a very ancient
family in the north; his affairs are very much deranged, but he is a
gentleman of great probity and learning, and at present engaged in a
very grand scheme, which, if he can bring it to bear, will render him
famous to all posterity; no less than the conversion of the Jews and the
Gentiles. The project, I own, looks chimerical to one who has not
conversed with the author; but, in my opinion, he has clearly
demonstrated, from an anagrammatical analysis of a certain Hebrew
word, that his present Majesty, whom God preserve, is the person
pointed at in Scripture as the temporal Messiah of the Jews; and, if he
could once raise by subscription such a trifling sum as twelve hundred
thousand pounds, I make no doubt but he would accomplish his aim,
vast and romantic as it seems to be.
"Besides these, we have another messmate, who is a French chevalier,
an odd sort of a man, a kind of Lazarillo de Tormes, a caricatura; he
wears a long beard, pretends to be a great poet, and makes a d---ed
fracas with his verses. The king has been obliged to exert his authority
over him more than once, by ordering him into close confinement, for
which he was so rash as to send his majesty a challenge; but he
afterwards made his submission, and was again taken into favour. The
truth is, I believe his brain is a little disordered, and, he being a stranger,
we overlook his extravagancies.
"Sir, we shall think ourselves happy in your accession to our society.

You will be under no sort of restraint; for, though we dine at one table,
every individual calls and pays for his own mess. Our conversation,
such as it is, will not, I hope, be disagreeable; and though we have not
opportunities of breathing the pure Arcadian air, and cannot, 'under the
shade of melancholy boughs, lose and neglect the creeping hours of
time,' we may enjoy ourselves over a glass of punch or a dish of tea.
Nor are we destitute of friends, who visit us in these shades of distress.
The major has a numerous acquaintance of both sexes; among others, a
first cousin of good fortune, who, with her daughters, often cheer our
solitude; she is a very sensible ladylike gentlewoman, and the young
ladies have a certain degagee air, that plainly shows they have seen the
best company. Besides, I will venture to recommend Mrs. Minikin as a
woman of tolerable breeding and capacity, who,