Count Fathom, part 2 | Page 2

pair of breeches to his backside--what then? he's a quiet sort of
a body, and a great scholar, and it was a scandal to the place to see him
going about in that naked condition. As for the mad Frenchman with
the beard, if you give him so much as a cheese-paring, you b--ch, I'll
send you back to the hole, among your old companions; an impudent
dog! I'll teach him to draw his sword upon the governor of an English
county jail. What! I suppose he thought he had to do with a French
hang-tang-dang, rabbit him! he shall eat his white feather, before I give
him credit for a morsel of bread."
Although our adventurer was very little disposed, at this juncture, to
make observations foreign to his own affairs, he could not help taking
notice of these extraordinary injunctions; especially those concerning
the person who was entitled king, whom, however, he supposed to be
some prisoner elected as the magistrate by the joint suffrage of his
fellows. Having taken possession of his chamber, which he rented at
five shillings a week, and being ill at ease in his own thoughts, he
forthwith secured his door, undressed, and went to bed, in which,
though it was none of the most elegant or inviting couches, he enjoyed

profound repose after the accumulated fatigues and mortifications of
the day. Next morning, after breakfast, the keeper entered his apartment,
and gave him to understand, that the gentlemen under his care, having
heard of the Count's arrival, had deputed one of their number to wait
upon him with the compliments of condolence suitable to the occasion,
and invite him to become a member of their society. Our hero could not
politely dispense with this instance of civility, and their ambassador
being instantly introduced by the name of Captain Minikin, saluted him
with great solemnity.
This was a person equally remarkable for his extraordinary figure and
address; his age seemed to border upon forty, his stature amounted to
five feet, his visage was long, meagre, and weather-beaten, and his
aspect, though not quite rueful, exhibited a certain formality, which
was the result of care and conscious importance. He was very little
encumbered with flesh and blood; yet what body he had was well
proportioned, his limbs were elegantly turned, and by his carriage he
was well entitled to that compliment which we pay to any person when
we say he has very much the air of a gentleman. There was also an
evident singularity in his dress, which, though intended as an
improvement, appeared to be an extravagant exaggeration of the mode,
and at once evinced him an original to the discerning eyes of our
adventurer, who received him with his usual complaisance, and made a
very eloquent acknowledgment of the honour and satisfaction he
received from the visit of the representative, and the hospitality of his
constituents. The captain's peculiarities were not confined to his
external appearance; for his voice resembled the sound of a bassoon, or
the aggregate hum of a whole bee-hive, and his discourse was almost
nothing else than a series of quotations from the English poets,
interlarded with French phrases, which he retained for their
significance, on the recommendation of his friends, being himself
unacquainted with that or any other outlandish tongue.
Fathom, finding this gentleman of a very communicative disposition,
thought he could not have a fairer opportunity of learning the history of
his fellow-prisoners; and, turning the conversation on that subject, was
not disappointed in his expectation. "I don't doubt, sir," said he, with

the utmost solemnity of declamation, "but you look with horror upon
every object that surrounds you in this uncomfortable place; but,
nevertheless, here are some, who, as my friend Shakespeare has it, have
seen better days, and have with holy bell been knolled to church; and
sat at good men's feasts, and wiped their eyes of drops that sacred pity
hath engendered. You must know, sir, that, exclusive of the canaille, or
the profanum vulgus, as they are styled by Horace, there are several
small communities in the jail, consisting of people who are attracted by
the manners and dispositions of each other; for this place, sir, is quite a
microcosm, and as the great world, so is this, a stage, and all the men
and women merely players. For my own part, sir, I have always made it
a maxim to associate with the best of company I can find. Not that I
pretend to boast of my family or extraction; because, you know, as the
poet says, Vix ea nostra voco. My father, 'tis true, was a man that
piqued himself upon his pedigree, as well as upon his politesse and
personal merit; for he had been a very old officer in