Clarissa, Volume 4 | Page 7

Sorlings's, have given me apprehensions of delay: I would not for the
world be thought so ungenerous a wretch, now you have honoured me
with your confidence, as to wish to precipitate you. Yet your brother's
schemes are not given up. Singleton, I am afraid, is actually in town;
his vessel lies at Rotherhithe--your brother is absent from Harlowe-
place; indeed not with Singleton yet, as I can hear. If you are known to
be mine, or if you are but thought to be so, there will probably be an
end of your brother's contrivances. The widow's character may be as
worthy as it is said to be. But the worthier she is, the more danger, if
your brother's agent should find us out; since she may be persuaded,
that she ought in conscience to take a parent's part against a child who
stands in opposition to them. But if she believes us married, her good
character will stand us instead, and give her a reason why two
apartments are requisite for us at the hour of retirement.
I perfectly raved at him. I would have flung from him in resentment;

but he would not let me: and what could I do? Whither go, the evening
advanced?
I am astonished at you! said I.--If you are a man of honour, what need
of all this strange obliquity? You delight in crooked ways--let me know,
since I must stay in your company (for he held my hand), let me know
all you have said to the people below.--Indeed, indeed, Mr. Lovelace,
you are a very unaccountable man.
My dearest creature, need I to have mentioned any thing of this? and
could I not have taken up my lodgings in this house unknown to you, if
I had not intended to make you the judge of all my proceedings?--But
this is what I have told the widow before her kinswomen, and before
your new servant--'That indeed we were privately married at Hertford;
but that you had preliminarily bound me under a solemn vow, which I
am most religiously resolved to keep, to be contented with separate
apartments, and even not to lodge under the same roof, till a certain
reconciliation shall take place, which is of high consequence to both.'
And further that I might convince you of the purity of my intentions,
and that my whole view in this was to prevent mischief, I have
acquainted them, 'that I have solemnly promised to behave to you
before every body, as if we were only betrothed, and not married; not
even offering to take any of those innocent freedoms which are not
refused in the most punctilious loves.'
And then he solemnly vowed to me the strictest observance of the same
respectful behaviour to me.
I said, that I was not by any means satisfied with the tale he had told,
nor with the necessity he wanted to lay me under of appearing what I
was not: that every step he took was a wry one, a needless wry one: and
since he thought it necessary to tell the people below any thing about
me, I insisted that he should unsay all he had said, and tell them the
truth.
What he had told them, he said, was with so many circumstances, that
he could sooner die than contradict it. And still he insisted upon the
propriety of appearing to be married, for the reasons he had given
before--And, dearest creature, said he, why this high displeasure with
me upon so well-intended an expedient? You know, that I cannot wish
to shun your brother, or his Singleton, but upon your account. The first
step I would take, if left to myself, would be to find them out. I have

always acted in this manner, when any body has presumed to give out
threatenings against it.
'Tis true I would have consulted you first, and had your leave. But since
you dislike what I have said, let me implore you, dearest Madam, to
give the only proper sanction to it, by naming an early day. Would to
Heaven that were to be to-morrow!--For God's sake, let it be to-morrow!
But, if not, [was it his business, my dear, before I spoke (yet he seemed
to be afraid of me) to say, if not?] let me beseech you, Madam, if my
behaviour shall not be to your dislike, that you will not to-morrow, at
breakfast-time, discredit what I have told them. The moment I give you
cause to think that I take any advantage of your concession, that
moment revoke it, and expose me, as I shall deserve.--And once more,
let me remind you, that I have no view either to serve or save myself by
this expedient. It is only to prevent a probable mischief,