Clarissa, Volume 4 | Page 8

for your own
mind's sake; and for the sake of those who deserve not the least
consideration from me.
What could I say? What could I do?--I verily think, that had he urged
me again, in a proper manner, I should have consented (little satisfied
as I am with him) to give him a meeting to-morrow morning at a more
solemn place than in the parlour below.
But this I resolve, that he shall not have my consent to stay a night
under this roof. He has now given me a stronger reason for this
determination than I had before.
***
Alas! my dear, how vain a thing to say, what we will, or what we will
not do, when we have put ourselves into the power of this sex!--He
went down to the people below, on my desiring to be left to myself;
and staid till their supper was just ready; and then, desiring a moment's
audience, as he called it, he besought my leave to stay that one night,
promising to set out either for Lord M.'s, or for Edgeware, to his friend
Belford's, in the morning, after breakfast. But if I were against it, he
said, he would not stay supper; and would attend me about eight next
day--yet he added, that my denial would have a very particular
appearance to the people below, from what he had told them; and the
more, as he had actually agreed for all the vacant apartments, (indeed
only for a month,) for the reasons he before hinted at: but I need not
stay here two days, if, upon conversing with the widow and her nieces

in the morning, I should have any dislike to them.
I thought, notwithstanding my resolution above-mentioned, that it
would seem too punctilious to deny him, under the circumstances he
had mentioned: having, besides, no reason to think he would obey me;
for he looked as if he were determined to debate the matter with me.
And now, as I see no likelihood of a reconciliation with my friends, and
as I have actually received his addresses, I thought I would not quarrel
with him, if I could help it, especially as he asked to stay but for one
night, and could have done so without my knowing it; and you being of
opinion, that the proud wretch, distrusting his own merits with me, or at
least my regard for him, will probably bring me to some concessions in
his favour --for all these reasons, I thought proper to yield this point:
yet I was so vexed with him on the other, that it was impossible for me
to comply with that grace which a concession should be made with, or
not made at all.
This was what I said--What you will do, you must do, I think. You are
very ready to promise; very ready to depart from your promise. You
say, however, that you will set out to-morrow for the country. You
know how ill I have been. I am not well enough now to debate with you
upon your encroaching ways. I am utterly dissatisfied with the tale you
have told below. Nor will I promise to appear to the people of the
house to-morrow what I am not.
He withdrew in the most respectful manner, beseeching me only to
favour him with such a meeting in the morning as might not make the
widow and her nieces think he had given me reason to be offended with
him.
I retired to my own apartment, and Dorcas came to me soon after to
take my commands. I told her, that I required very little attendance, and
always dressed and undressed myself.
She seemed concerned, as if she thought I had repulsed her; and said, it
should be her whole study to oblige me.
I told her, that I was not difficult to be pleased: and should let her know
from time to time what assistance I should expect from her. But for that
night I had no occasion for her further attendance.
She is not only genteel, but is well bred, and well spoken--she must
have had what is generally thought to be the polite part of education:
but it is strange, that fathers and mothers should make so light, as they

generally do, of that preferable part, in girls, which would improve
their minds, and give a grace to all the rest.
As soon as she was gone, I inspected the doors, the windows, the
wainscot, the dark closet as well as the light one; and finding very good
fastenings to the door, and to all the windows, I again had recourse to
my pen.
***
Mrs. Sinclair is just now gone from me. Dorcas, she told me, had
acquainted her, that I had