Cartaphilus - HOW to Meet Women - The Shy Mans Guide to Relationships | Page 7

to new ideas. Be spontaneous, but reasoned. Accept challenges... judiciously. Smell the
flowers. Appreciate a sunset.
Nurture the "little kid" in you, preserve the "boyishness" (women love this). Better to be a bit naive,
than jaded and used up. Do not let life's hardships grind you down, drown you in bitterness and
cynicism, and leave you broken and hollow.
Be a happy person, and show it. Communicate your joy in life. Have a smile ready for everyone (it can
be a shy smile). Cherish mischief and laughter. Play.
Charisma and its common variants, "chemistry", animal magnetism, and just plain sexiness - those
are the mysterious forces that haunt so much of human destiny. In truth, we are all blessed (or
damned) with these qualities in various measure, yet in the normal course of events they remain
hidden beneath the scars and hurts we wear, smothered by lack of self-confidence, obscured by the
memory of past failures, masked by the roles our families and acquaintances force upon us. Learn to
become your true self, to awaken to who you are and your role in life, to grow, to liberate the powers
within - and discover that you, too, can develop the knack
of attracting women.

A Mystery Explained

Why are so many women attracted to married men, obsessed
by them? The married man has no need
to "play games" or prove himself, thus he tends to be relaxed and confident in his dealings with the
opposite sex. He wears the shining armor of his experience and exudes an aura of "forbidden fruit".
His married state convincingly demonstrates that at least one woman finds him attractive, and this
very fact makes him even more desirable in the eyes of many other women - it confirms their
judgment that he is worth pursuing. He is unavailable, and his very inaccessibility makes him highly
desirable. Truly a deadly combination.
What can the single guy learn from all this? Act married. You need not "play games" or prove
yourself, and thus be relaxed and confident in your dealings with the opposite sex. Do not make
yourself too accessible to the opposite sex; let women invest at least a little bit of effort to get near you.
Above all, avoid the behavior patterns of being "on the prowl", radiating neediness and desperation.
Panting after women, with your tongue literally hanging out, you play the fool. Staying detached, just
a bit distant, cool - calm - collected, you project confidence and strength. Wear the shining armor of
your very own experience and exude an aura of "forbidden fruit", of being the proud, sensitive,
strong, and yes, desirable shy man.
Overcome your own appearance prejudices, stop rejecting possible partners because you judge them
too fat, too old, too unattractive... Tolerance and compassion toward the "failings" of the woman you
seek will help you find the one who will accept your own imperfections. Mutual acceptance is the key.

12 Afterthought

Some years back, a personal ad in New York's Village Voice specified "...no walking wounded".
Absurd! It is virtually impossible to survive childhood without wounds. Many of us are "walking
wounded", but the rest are too badly maimed even to walk. Which category described the woman who
placed the ad?

When women love us, they forgive us everything, even our crimes;
when they do not love us, they give us credit for nothing, not even our virtues.
Honoré de Balzac

Chapter 3
Challenging the Conventional Wisdom
Expanding Your Horizons
Popular culture depicts a sleek, long legged, big-breasted nubile blonde as the ideal love partner... just
the type of fantasy woman who would turn up her nose at a shy man, and why not, as she could choose
from any number of ruggedly handsome socially adept men... These are the beautiful people
, a world
unto themselves, unapproachable, narcissistic, smug, and far removed from reality. Shy men are well
advised to stay clear of this particular crowd.
Consider instead women outside the mainstream. Fellow social outcasts, these are real people, human
beings who have had to grapple with life's hardships, to endure pain, to choke on embarrassment, to
feel the lash of rejection... just as you have. Struggling with problems, rebounding from failure,
learning by necessity to fight - all this develops the personality, forces one to grow, to become fully
human, to become capable of loving and worthy of being loved.

Sweets are first tasted by the eye, but flavour is the heart and soul of all confectionery.
John Millar
"Ugly" women glow with a serene inner beauty. Their faces are a study in rococo sculpture, an
unfamiliar language of landscape and form, an intricate and convoluted