Cartaphilus - HOW to Meet Women - The Shy Mans Guide to Relationships | Page 5

gave meaning to your abject misery.


Exercise #2
Feeling Good About Yourself

Choose one of the good memories from your past history, the success story you are most proud of.
Freeze that scene, the expressions of the people looking on, the feel of your muscles tensing as you
realized just what you were up against, your quick assessment of the situation and your decisive
action. Now, consider what made this particular experience so empowering for you. Cherish the
feelings you had at that singular moment of triumph, and carry an ember of that warm glow with you
- always.

Exercise #3
Giving Meaning To Your Life

An insecure, purposeless life needs structure, meaningful pattern, a plan. While a job imposes a
structure of sorts on the day, it leaves those long hours of leisure to be disposed of by entertainment
and simple time-killing. Is it so surprising then, that insecure people seek approval and reassurance
from others, that they lack a sense of personal identity, that they need desperately to fill the terrible
void inside them?
What areas in your own life lack structure? Does your daily routine have a purpose, or are you just
"running on autopilot"? What changes could you make to give your life more 'solidity', a greater
sense of order?

8

Exercise #4
Helping

Help someone among your family, friends, or acquaintances with a self-confidence problem. Give
them emotional support, and help validate them as a worthwhile human being.


SUMMING UP
• Grow callouses over your tender spots. Learn to withstand emotional pain.
• Develop a sort of 'tough optimism', that you "can do", despite possible hardships and reverses.
• Don't wager all your self-esteem on a single pursuit, be it work, sports, or relationships.
Diversify, develop multiple interests. Become a "Renaissance man", mastering some skills,
practicing at others, being at least acquainted with most of the remainder of human experience.
• Figure out the rules and strategies in the relationship game, and become adept at playing.
• Respect your failures, and learn from them.


Becoming reconciled to your flaws and weaknesses gives a realistic perspective on life and strengthens
you for the challenges ahead. You gradually come to the realization that you are a worthwhile person,
that your struggles toughen and ennoble you, that your most painful failures build character. Grow
and learn to take your place in the world.


Of life the mingled wine and brine
I sit and sip pipslipsily.
Anonymous (quoted in an essay of Doug Hofstadter)

Chapter 2
What Attracts Women?
Humans attract one other for the oddest reasons. Traits one woman finds irritating or even repellent
in a man will strike another as cute and endearing. Affection colors perception. The woman who loves
you will judge you with loving eyes.
Think of your long nose or jutting ears as barriers to keep the "wrong" women away. Your warts are
your very own. Yours. Part of your persona. Even if you were classically handsome, would you truly
want women attracted only for that? The traits that are intrinsic to you, that set you apart, that make
you unique are what you will be loved for and treasured. Find a woman who will value you for what
you are, and she will be worthy of your love.

9 Learn the lesson here - to look past "skin-deep" appearance. This enlarges the pool of eligible women
and improves your odds of finding the one to love... a woman who has likewise learned this.
A man does not insist on physical beauty in a woman who builds up his self-esteem. After a while he
realizes that she is
beautiful. He just hadn't noticed at first.

What physical traits attract women?
• Muscles
• Slimness
• Hair - facial and chest
• Cleanliness (deodorant & breath spray?)
• Grooming (taking care of yourself)
• Clothes (complementing your physique)
• Carriage and walk (proud bearing)
• Classic facial features
• Weather-beaten appearance (scars?)
• Coloring (blonde, dark... depends)
• All of the above
• None of the above


You might find it effective to cultivate a personal style, to become known by a "trademark". Custom-
tailored clothes, boots, colorful accessories, a mustache or beard, and an unusual hairstyle can provide
an outlet for your imagination in creating a distinctive "look" and emphasizing your best features.
Originality wins extra points, so avoid the commonplace and the fashionable. This might give you an
ego boost, get people to notice you, and make a striking first impression
. Note that attracting attention
could have undesirable side effects. The technique is