Bill Nyes Comic History of England | Page 3

of doing at home,--cutting up like a hallowe'en party in its junior
year,--that she got her Britons together, had a steel dress made to fight in comfortably and
not tight under the arms, then she said, "Is there any one here who hath a culverin with
him?" One was soon found and fired. This by the Romans was regarded as an opening of

hostilities. Her fire was returned with great eagerness, and victory was won in the city of
London over the Romans, who had taunted the queen several times with being seven
years behind the beginning of the Christian Era in the matter of clothes.
[Illustration: ROMAN COAT OF ARMS.]
Boadicea won victories by the score, and it is said that under the besom of her wrath
seventy thousand Roman warriors kissed the dust. As she waved her sceptre in token of
victory the hat-pin came out of her crown, and wildly throwing the "old hot thing" at the
Roman general, she missed him and unhorsed her own chaperon.
Disgusted with war and the cooking they were having at the time, she burst into tears just
on the eve of a general victory over the Romans and poisoned herself.
[Illustration: DEATH OF BOADICEA.]
N.B.--Many thanks are due to the author, Mr. A. Barber, for the use of his works entitled
"Half-Hours with Crowned Heads" and "Thoughts on Shaving Dead People on Whom
One Has Never Called," cloth, gilt top.
I notice an error in the artist's work which will be apparent to any one of moderate
intelligence, and especially to the Englishman,--viz., that the tin discovered by the
Phoenicians is in the form of cans, etc., formerly having contained tinned meats, fruits,
etc. This book, I fear, will be sharply criticised in England if any inaccuracy be permitted
to creep in, even through the illustrations. It is disagreeable to fall out thus early with
one's artist, but the writer knows too well, and the sting yet burns and rankles in his soul
where pierced the poisoned dart of an English clergyman two years ago. The writer had
spoken of Julius Caesar's invasion of Britain for the purpose of replenishing the Roman
stock of umbrellas, top-coats, and "loydies," when the clergyman said, politely but very
firmly, "that England then had no top-coats or umbrellas." The writer would not have
cared, had there not been others present.

CHAPTER II.
THE VARIOUS ROMAN YOKES: THEIR GROWTH, DEGENERATION, AND
FINAL ELIMINATION.
Agricola no doubt made the Roman yoke easier upon the necks of the conquered people,
and suggested the rotation of crops. He also invaded Caledonia and captured quite a
number of Scotchmen, whom he took home and domesticated.
Afterwards, in 121 A.D., the emperor Hadrian was compelled to build a wall to keep out
the still unconquered Caledonians. This is called the "Picts' Wall," and a portion of it still
exists. Later, in 208 A.D., Severus built a solid wall of stone along this line, and for
seventy years there was peace between the two nations.

Towards the end of the third century Carausius, who was appointed to the thankless task
of destroying the Saxon pirates, shook off his allegiance to the emperor Diocletian, joined
the pirates and turned out Diocletian, usurping the business management of Britain for
some years. But, alas! he was soon assassinated by one of his own officers before he
could call for help, and the assassin succeeded him. In those days assassination and
inauguration seemed to go hand-in-hand.
[Illustration: ASSASSINATION OF CARAUSIUS.]
After Constantius, who died 306 A.D., came Constantine the Great, his son by a British
princess.
Under Constantine peace again reigned, but the Irish, who desired to free Ireland even if
they had to go abroad and neglect their business for that purpose, used to invade
Constantine's territory, getting him up at all hours of the night and demanding that he
should free Ireland.
These men were then called Picts, hence the expression "picked men." They annoyed
Constantine by coming over and trying to introduce Home Rule into the home of the total
stranger.
The Scots also made turbulent times by harassing Constantine and seeking to introduce
their ultra-religious belief at the muzzle of the crossgun.
Trouble now came in the latter part of the fourth century A.D., caused by the return of the
regular Roman army, which went back to Rome to defend the Imperial City from the
Goths who sought to "stable their stock in the palace of the Caesars," as the historian so
tersely puts it.
[Illustration: THE PICTS INCULCATING HOME RULE PRINCIPLES.]
In 418 A.D., the Roman forces came up to London for the summer, and repelled the Scots
and Picts, but soon returned to Rome, leaving the provincial people of London with
disdain. Many of the Roman officers while in Britain