Basomas | Page 8

to Rosie, �What�s going on?�

And she said, �It�s Robbie and he�s got something hideous clinging to his back.�

I looked round and Wet Lindsay was on the back of his scooter.

They got off and Robbie looked across and smiled at me. I smiled back at him. Lindsay had her head down, looking in her bag. I said to Rosie, �That bag over her head quite suits her.�

We watched as Robbie got his footie boots on. He is certainly in tip-top condition. It is such a waste for him to be with the Bride of Dracula. Lindsay brought out a towel and a water bottle from her bag and handed them to Robbie.

ten seconds later

She was massaging his neck. Blimey! Has she turned into some sort of octopussy handmaiden?

I said to the gang, �I bet she comes scampering on with the halftime oranges tucked down her bra. There is enough room�. She�s probably got a packed lunch in there.�

Which is a fact. Surely Robbie must know about her false basooma fiasco?

Erlack! I have accidentally got parts of Wet Lindsay in my brain.

I feel dirty. It was nearly kickoff time. I was behind the tree looking over at the lads and noticed that Dave the Laugh was missing.

�I wonder where Dave the Laugh is?�

And a voice behind me said, �Why? Are you longing for the Hornmeister, you naughty kittykat?�

I looked round and there he was, lurking like a lurker and looking very cool in his black training stuff. He was twinkly round the eyes and said to the gang, �The vati has arrived. Now we can groove.�

Ellen�s head practically dropped off with redness. She still luuurves him even though she is going out with Declan.

Dave said, �Well, I�d love to stay swapping makeup hints with you girls, but there are arses to kick.�

As he was going by me, I said, �Erm�Dave, would you give me a call? I want to ask you something.�

He looked at me. �If you are hoping to entice me intoRummachen unterhalb der Taille, I have told you before, you are embarrassing yourself.�

Ooohhh, he is sooo annoying.

The lads were yelling at him, �Oy, Dave, get a wriggle on, mate!!�

Dave started humming the theme fromMatch of the Day and jogging off backward, waving at us. Then he turned toward the team and started doing run run leap like a mad gazelle. When he was a few meters from them, he did slow-motion running with his arms outstretched and his team started doing the same toward him. When they reached each other, they had a minor ruck.

Boys never cease to amaze me, never.

I wonder if he will phone me, though? Masimo hasn�t turned up. Perhaps he already has a new girlfriend.

halftime

Dave�s team is winning 1�0. I�d like to say it is down to superior skill, but largely it�s because Sven fell onto the St. Pat�s goalkeeper and the ball went over the line. St. Pat�s protested, but it�s pointless arguing with Sven. He took the player who was arguing with him and lifted him off his feet and kissed him on the mouth.

The bloke was nearly sick, but he shut up and the goal counted.

Wet Lindsay did have halftime oranges.

Sadly, not down her bra.

But even so, halftime oranges. How crap is that? Vair vair crap.

three minutes later

I went and stood really near to Jas. Sheignorez-voused me. So I gave a pretendy piece of halftime chocolate to one of her owls. She snatched her owly away.

Tom was there and he said, �Oh, come on, you two. Put your handbags down. Come on, Jas, speak to Georgia.�

She said, �Who?�

And went off flicking her fringe to speak to Emma, who turned up to hang around Dave. Jas has only known Emma for about a minute and a half.

I do hate her. It�s official.

She should be on my side in my time of need-nosity.

After all I have done for her.

I said that to the ace gang as the second half started.

I said, �She isignorez-vous ing me after all I have done for her.�

Ellen dithered into life (unfortunately) and said, �Er�what, erm, what have you, erm, done like, for her?�

Where to begin?

I said, �For a start, I have put up with her stupid fringe-flicking for about a million years.�

But it was pointless trying to get anyone�s attention because they were all acting like divs in front of their boyfriends.

5:15 p.m.

I thought I might have to do the Heimlich maneuver on Ellen when Declan asked her to the pictures at the end of the match. Well, I say �asked,� but what actually happened is