Basomas | Page 6

just looked at me and he walked off. And not in a good way. In a having a full Humpty Dumpty way.�

10:30 a.m.

The budgie lovers� �advice� is: �Don�t be such a childish arse in future.�

Thank you for that.

10:40 a.m.

At least I have the house to myself for a mope-a-thon. The Swiss Family Mad have roared off down the drive at three miles an hour. They�ll be at the end of our street by tomorrow if they�re lucky and have a following wind.

10:45 a.m.

I�m not phoning Jas because she was so grumpy with me last night for no reason.

five minutes later

I think I may hate her actually.

two minutes later

So in a nutshell. My so-called bestie hates me and thinks I am the Whore of Babylon and my boyfriend may hate me, even though he doesn�t know the reason why he should hate me.

six minutes later

It is sooo boring moping.

11:10 a.m.

Masimo still hasn�t phoned me. I can�t stand this silence a moment longer. I am going to call an emergency ace gang meeting.

11:30 a.m.

Rang Jools, Ellen, Rosie, Mabs and Honor.

11:45 a.m.

I have arranged to meet the ace gang, with the exception of you know who, at two p.m. in the park. I wanted to meet at mine, but the rest of them want to watch the footie match. They are obsessed with boys.

11:50 a.m.

I am just going to tell them all the whole truth and see what they say. Just come clean about the whole situation. Make a fresh start with my bestie mates. Truth is, after all, the cornerstone of friendship.

11:52 a.m.

Well, when I say the whole truth, I will obviously not be mentioning the thing that I am not mentioning this side of the grave. And which I have forgotten about, to tell you the truth.

1:30 p.m.

I am working my way through the famous �losing it� scale. I have gone from merely having a spaz attack to being now on the edge of a complete nervy b. What if Masimo is actually at the footie match and ignores me?

What can I do?

I ask myself the question, �What would Baby Jesus do in these circumstances?�

one minute later

Of course! I must make myself irresistible to the Luuurve God by applying as much mascara as is humanly possible.

1:32 p.m.

When I went into the bathroom, Angus was sitting on the loo seat. He just looked at me when I came in and then half shut his eyes, like a half-wit cat.

I said, �Oy, what are you doing in here?�

He yawned and then he put his paw on the loo handle. Like he was flushing it.

What fresh hell? Surely he isn�t pooing in the loo?

He jumped down and skittered off at about a million miles an hour.

How weird.

I wonder if being run over has affected his brain?

Mind you, I read about the Moscow State Circus and they�ve got some cats who can pull a carriage and play chess at the same time.

Maybe I could get Angus a job in the Russian circus displaying his pulling-the-loo-handle skills.

The Russianvolk might quite like that.

You never know.

1:40 p.m.

Oh, bloody hell, he�s been in my makeup bag again.

Why would a cat eat lip gloss?

1:45 p.m.

OK, I am ready to get entrancing and alluring. I am wearing jeans and a skinny jummie, and because I am off to watch a footie match, I�ve put my hair into a little ponytail.Tr�s sportif . It gives me a casual, sporty air.

I may wear my shades to add to my mysterious �uuumph� quality.

1:46 p.m.

Just a hint of �uuumph� but not �uuumphy� in the �oy, you slaaaag� sort of way.

2:10 p.m.

When I arrived at our usual meeting place underneath the big chestnut tree, Sven and Rosie were there. Practically eating each other. Do they ever stop snogging?

Rosie knew I was there because she waved her hand at me.

Eventually, I went �Helllooo� for a bit until they came up for air.

Rosie took out her chuddie and said, �Bonsoir,sensation seeker.�

Sven leapt to his feet and picked me up (thank God I had my jeans on) and started carrying me around singing, �Ohja , ohja ! The hills are alive wiv zer pants, hahaha, ohja pants!!!�

I said to Rosie, who was reapplying her lippy, �Rosie, make him put me down�.�

Rosie said, �Down, boy.�

He put me down and licked Rosie�s face before he ambled off like Lug the Larger to the footie field.

I said to her, �How does this happen? One minute I�ve got more boyfriends than I can shake