Advice to a Mother on the Management of her Children | Page 7

It proceeds, I believe,
generally from a sort of shyness and awkwardness contracted in early
youth, and is, as I know from experience, difficult to get rid of. It
certainly is inconsistent with the manners and habits of good society.
Be always the last to laugh at your own jokes, or your own good stories.
If they are really worth laughing at, the company will find it out, and by
premature or excessive laughter you will mar their effect.
As you get on in society, you will probably often fall into discussion
and argument. When this is the case, take care not to be too positive or
peremptory in your manner. Be solicitous to allow their full weight to
the arguments of your antagonist. Do not suffer the impression of the
force and correctness of your own reasoning, to render you blind to
what is urged against you. Above all, keep your temper. If you lose
your temper, victory will be deprived of its credit, and defeat will be
more disgraceful. At the same time you will run a double chance of
being defeated, without having the wit to see, or the manliness to own
it. Believe me, my dear nephew, (to adopt the very words of one of the
most sagacious and distinguished of modern statesmen) "that the arms
with which the ill dispositions of the world are to be combated, and the
qualities by which it is to be reconciled to us, and we reconciled to it,
are moderation, gentleness, a little indulgence to others, and a great
deal of distrust of ourselves; which are not qualities of a mean spirit, as
some may possibly think them, but virtues of a great and noble kind,
and such as dignify our nature as much as they contribute to our repose
and fortune; for nothing can be so unworthy of a well-composed soul,
as to pass away life in bickerings and litigations, in snarling and
scuffling with every one about us. Again and again, my dear,--we must
be at peace with our species; if not for their sakes, yet very much for
our own[43:1]."
But my letter grows long, and I must hasten to conclude it. Read
repeatedly Cowper's lively poem on conversation, which seems to me
to have much of the spirit and accurate moral taste of Horace, with the

elevation derived from Christianity. Read, too, if you can lay your hand
on it, Bishop Horne's paper on conversation, in the Olla Podrida. In
these two essays you will find many of the sentiments which I have
expressed, only given in a much more engaging manner. In the 78th
and 83d Numbers of the Idler, many common faults in conversation are
exposed with a degree of humour, in which our great moralist did not
very frequently indulge.
I remain, My dear Nephew, Your affectionate Uncle.
FOOTNOTES:
[34:1] Ecclus. xix. 8.
[37:1] Ephes. v. 4. and Coloss. iii. 8.
[38:1] Prov. xiv. 9.
[43:1] Prior's Life of Burke, p. 215. Second edition.

LETTER IV.
AGAINST YIELDING TO THE INFLUENCE OF NUMBERS.
MY DEAR NEPHEW,
When I advised you to fall in, so far as you reasonably can, with the
wishes and inclinations of those with whom you associate, you
understood, I trust, that compliance should never go so far, as to
involve the slightest sacrifice of truth or of principle. When carried to
this culpable extent, it becomes an instance of weak and unmanly
cowardice.
One of the greatest dangers to which young men are exposed upon their
first entrance into the world, is that which arises from their readiness to
be swayed by the example or by the persuasion of their companions.
The example, and still more the persuasion, of a single individual, is

sometimes not without difficulty resisted, and the difficulty of
resistance is greatly increased by the influence of numbers. A young
man dreads the imputation of singularity. He cannot bear to stand out
against the example, perhaps the solicitations, of those among whom he
lives. He suffers himself, therefore, to be carried along by the stream,
and led into conduct, of which, in his conscience, he utterly
disapproves.
Never, my dear nephew, do you be guilty of such weakness. Avoid
singularity, whenever it can be avoided with innocence: an affectation
of singularity for singularity's sake, generally proceeds from conceit or
self-sufficiency. But where the path of duty is clear, let no example or
persuasion induce you to swerve from it. Keep ever impressed upon
your mind the admonition of Scripture, Thou shalt not follow a
multitude to do evil.
Never suffer yourself to be laughed out of what is right. Never be
ashamed of adhering to what you know to be your duty. In matters of
duty keep in mind the words of Scripture, Fear ye not