Advice to a Mother on the Management of her Children | Page 6

religion, which repeatedly enjoins us to speak
evil of no man. Bear in mind the advice of one of the most sagacious
and penetrating observers of human nature:--Whether it be to a friend
or foe, talk not of other men's lives; and if thou canst, without offence,
reveal them not[34:1]. If thou canst without offence;--circumstances
may require that the truth should be revealed,--that the real truth should
be spoken and made known, even though it should be
injurious,--though it should be absolutely fatal to another man's
character. But do not take pleasure in telling any thing to another's
prejudice; do not make the tearing of a character in pieces a matter of
amusement. By such conduct you would not only be guilty of a gross
violation of Christian charity, but will probably bring yourself into
many scrapes in a worldly point of view. In a mixed company, there
may chance to be some friend or connexion of him, whom you are
running down; or, at all events, what you say will be repeated,--a bird
of the air will carry the matter,--till it comes to the ears of the injured
person. And what will be the consequence? A feeling of aversion and
dislike, a spirit of hostility to you, will, not unnaturally, be engendered,
both in him and in such of his friends and connections as are
acquainted with the circumstance.
One of the most unwarrantable kinds or forms of detraction, is the
attributing of any man's conduct to corrupt or unworthy motives. A
man's real motives are known only to God and to himself; indeed, very
often to God alone, as from the deceitfulness and intricacy of the
human heart, a man himself is sometimes ignorant as to what his real
motives actually are. Certainly it is rash and presumptuous for any
other man to pretend to decide upon them, and most uncharitable and
unjust to pronounce them to be corrupt, when they are capable of a
favourable interpretation. Express your disapprobation of unworthy
actions as strongly as you please; but beware of rash and uncharitable
censure, and especially beware of the presumption of imputing to any
corrupt and evil motives.

As I have cautioned you against violating Christian charity in
conversation, so I must warn you against infringing on Christian purity.
You have arrived at a period of life, when your utmost care and
vigilance will be requisite, to keep your natural passions and appetites
within proper bounds. Indeed, all your care will be ineffectual unless
assisted by Divine grace. Do not take part in conversation which is
calculated to add to their importunity or to their strength. Thoughtless
young men, under the influence of these feelings, sometimes indulge in
foolish talking and jesting[37:1], of most pernicious tendency, and
most inconsistent with the Christian character. Avoid and discourage
conversation of this nature, so far as you possibly can. Do not add fuel
to a flame which already burns but too fiercely. Fools make a mock at
sin[38:1]; and none but fools should be capable of making a joke of
temptations and vices, which in themselves are awfully serious, which
lead on to eternal ruin.
I hope you will never be so unfortunate, as to fall much into the
company of men, who make a jest of religion, or of any thing
connected with religion. Those who are bent upon following the
guidance of their own appetites, and their own wills, naturally dislike
that which would check and restrain them. They are consequently apt to
become scoffers, and to attempt to turn religion and its sanctions into
ridicule. Avoid the society and conversation of such men, as you would
avoid the plague. If unhappily thrown among them, discountenance
them to the utmost.
Do not indulge yourself in a habit of raillery or banter. Raillery is a
difficult thing to manage well, and very apt both to give pain to him
who is the object of it, and to reflect discredit on him who attempts it.
Sometimes you see one or two young men, of more liveliness than
sense, picking out some quiet person in company as a butt, at which
they may point their wit, and carrying on an attack of banter and
ridicule. This is, probably, not only annoying to him, but tiresome and
painful to all the right feeling men who chance to be present.
I am glad to join in, or to witness, a honest hearty laugh, when any
thing really calls for it. Beware, however, of the practice of laughing

when there is nothing to laugh at. Some people fall into a way of giving
the accompaniment of a laugh to almost every thing that they utter,
especially if they have any direct intention to be jocular. This habit is
disagreeable to most of those who witness it.