Advice to a Mother on the Management of her Children | Page 5

Your affectionate Uncle.
FOOTNOTES:
[14:1] Prov. x. 7.
[20:1] See Numbers 72, 74, and 98, of the Rambler.

[22:1] See Village Sermons.
[26:1] See Jones's Letters from a Tutor to his Pupils.

LETTER III.
CONVERSATION.
MY DEAR NEPHEW,
I take it for granted, that upon first going from school to Oxford, and
entering into society different, in many respects, from any that you
have hitherto been accustomed to, you feel some of that shyness which
belongs to the character of most Englishmen. I should be sorry if you
did not. You probably feel diffident, too, of your ability to bear your
part in general conversation, and an apprehension of being, on that
account, set down as a stupid fellow. But don't be uneasy. More young
men, I am persuaded, hurt themselves by talking too much, than by
talking too little. When a fresh-man, at first starting, is quite at his ease,
and talks readily upon any subject that happens to be uppermost, some
of his companions may be amused at his coolness, but most of them
will be disgusted. If, by your look and manner, you show that you are
alive to what is said by others, and now and then throw in a remark, not
destitute of meaning, you will be more generally popular than one of
those random talkers. Men of a certain standing, qualified by their
liveliness or by their information to bear a leading part in conversation,
do not like to see an undue share of it engrossed by others, especially
by a mere youngster. They greatly prefer a good listener to a ready
talker.
Young practitioners in Doctors' Commons have, I believe, to pass
through their year of silence, before they are allowed to speak. During
the period of silence, they quietly observe, and become acquainted with,
the usages and practice of the court. Something similar to this period of
quiet observation, might not be inexpedient for a noviciate in society.
At all events, never talk for talking's sake; never speak unless you have

something to say worth attending to.
You will, I am sure, my dear nephew, take it in good part, if I point out
a few of the conversational faults, of which young men are apt to be
guilty. It is natural that we should talk most of that in which we are
most interested. Now, of all things in the world, a young man feels
most interested in himself. But if, in consequence of such feeling, he
ventures to talk much of himself, of his own habits, his own pursuits,
his own feelings, his own achievements, he will very soon be set down
as a bore and a conceited coxcomb. A young man naturally feels a
strong interest, an interest increased by separation, in his own
immediate family. This feeling, with some young men, is so deep, that
they shun the mention of any thing closely connected with their home
as a sort of profanation, a desecration of things sacred. With others, this
feeling takes the opposite direction, and leads them--celebrare
domestica facta--to introduce the concerns of their own nearest
relations into the conversation of a mixed party. Take care that you
never are guilty of such a violation of good taste and correct judgment.
Interesting as your home and its inmates are to you, nothing can well be
less interesting to those, who are unacquainted with them. It will be a
stretch of courtesy and good-nature, if they tolerate the mention of
them without some expression either of ridicule or of distaste. If you
speak of your home-concerns at all, let it be only to one or two intimate
friends, who, from the regard which they feel for you, may be supposed
to take an interest in all belonging to you.
Be on your guard against getting into the habit of telling long stories:
they generally are tiresome. Many circumstances, in addition to the
feeling that you have them to tell, may give them a consequence in
your eyes, which they do not in reality possess. Lively anecdotes, or
short narratives, told with spirit, are among the most amusing
ingredients in conversation; but even with them, if you often meet the
same company, there is considerable danger of falling into repetition.
Never be guilty of falling into the too common practice of indulging in
scandal, the practice of talking of men disparagingly, of running down
their character behind their backs. I by no means wish you to flatter any

man, whether present or absent, or to speak favourably of character or
of conduct which does not deserve it. But beware of detraction.
Nothing is more unamiable in any man, especially in a young man; and,
what is of infinitely more consequence, nothing is more opposite to the
spirit and the precepts of