Advice to a Mother on the Management of her Children | Page 4

blemishes, and eloquent in
exaggerating them[20:1]. If any person's good qualities, or any work of
art or of genius is commended, they are sure to throw in some
observations calculated to depreciate and disparage them. And with
respect even to the works of Nature, and the dispensations of
Providence, they are more ready to see and to point out evils, than to
acknowledge advantages. This temper--this habit of disparagement--is
certainly very unamiable; and justly offensive, not only to those who
are run down by it as its immediate objects, but to all who witness it. A
man who consults his own comfort, or the comfort of those with whom
he associates, should be disposed to make the best of every thing. I
would by no means wish him in the slightest degree to compromise
truth, or to make the remotest approach to flattery; but I would have
him see every thing in the most favourable point of view, and disposed
to pursue and to dwell upon what is good rather than upon what is bad.
Too much of that which is bad is sure to be forced upon our attention,
without our taking any pains to look out for it.
Be always on your guard against hurting the feelings, or even shocking
the prejudices, of those with whom you associate. A little observation,

and some attention to your own feelings in similar circumstances, will
soon teach you what is likely to be annoying to others. Make every
allowance for their self-love, and for attachment to their own opinions.
Never give unnecessary pain or mortification. It is unnecessary, when it
can be avoided without compromising the consistency of your own
character, or hazarding the interests of religion and of truth.
In short, my dear nephew, if you will study St. Paul's account of the
nature and properties of charity, and regulate your temper and your
behaviour accordingly, you will want little in order to be a perfect
gentleman, in the highest sense of the word. I will not enter upon this
account in detail, but must refer you to Fenelon's excellent book on this
subject, if it should come in your way, or even to my own
Sermon[22:1]. Give me your attention, however, for a minute or two, to
a few slight remarks upon charity--merely as it bears upon our conduct
in society.
Charity suffereth long--+makrothymei+--it bears patiently with other
men's defects of temper, discourteousness of behaviour, and
awkwardness of manner; and is kind, gentle, and
obliging--+chrêsteuetai+.
Charity envieth not--+ou zêloi+. It is free from those little jealousies,
and rivalries, and emulations, which, where they are admitted,
sometimes give sourness to the temper, and bitterness to the behaviour.
Charity vaunteth not itself--+ou perpereuetai+; it is not rash or over
hasty; it is not overbearing, positive, and peremptory, in language or
manner; is not puffed up--+ou physioutai+; is not inflated with an
opinion of its own worth or consequence; and, that being the case, it
doth not behave itself unseemly--+ouk aschêmonei+; it does not treat
other men with disdain and superciliousness.
Charity seeketh not her own--+ou zêtei ta heautês+--that is, she is not
selfish. Charity neglects not altogether her own concerns, or her own
interests, but does not attend to them exclusively; does not so attend to
them, as to be unmindful of, or inattentive to, the interests and welfare

of others.
Charity is not easily provoked--+ou paroxynetai+. Nothing more
disturbs the peace and comfort of society than the being easily
provoked. When a man is touchy and waspish, he is always looking out
for, and catching at, occasions of offence.
Charity rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; it does not
take pleasure in hearing of misdoings and evil conduct, but delights in
accounts of praiseworthy actions, and in the spread of sound religious
principles.
Charity beareth all things, believeth all thing, hopeth all things,
endureth all things; +panta stegei, panta pisteuei, panta elpizei, panta
hypomenei+.
I will not, my dear nephew, lengthen a long letter, by endeavouring to
point out the precise meaning of these expressions. You may
understand from them, that charity is patient of ill-usage; that instead of
being suspicious and disposed to cavil and carp at every thing, it is
open and ingenuous, ready to give men credit for speaking the truth,
when there is no good reason to think otherwise; and that it is disposed
to hope the best, to think as favourably as it can of those with whom it
comes in contact; and if it cannot actually think well of them at present,
to hope for their amendment and reformation.
I think you will agree with me, that a man influenced by this spirit
would be an acceptable man in society, and that the best practical
Christian would be the best gentleman[26:1].
I remain,