A Grandpas Not | Page 5

had passed shortly
before and droplets festooned the web's strands and rainbow-sparkled
in the morning sunlight. Standing there, both of us bent forward
peering into the web, I wove a story that transformed the sparkling
strands into a carnival and the spider into an acrobat. Granddaughter's
eyes widened with wonder.
We continued on and stopped at a house to observe a cat on the porch

playing with a yellow ball. I wove another tale, this time of a cat and a
strange ball that bounced too high. Again, my granddaughter's
expression showed her pleasure in hearing grandpa's story. For the
remainder of my visit, and during subsequent visits, I told her, and
when he was old enough, my grandson, of the world around us and
how we hoped to, some day, live together on Planet Earth.
Visits, in either direction were infrequent. Adult-oriented telephone
calls usually left only brief moments for talking to grandchildren. Long
distance calls just didn't generate the right ambiance and enough time
for the relaxed talking and easy listening that goes naturally with a
grandpa story. Then, too, at the close of an adult telephone
conversation the youngsters are usually busy at other things, and
sometimes grandpas just don't do well as talkers.
In my situation, I filled the gap with hand-scribed and, later on, typed
stories. The letter-stories lengthened our telephone chats to plot the
next story, flesh-out characters, the environments of settings and scenes.
There are no better aids to a grandpa-grandchild telephone story
conference than our faithful friends Who, What, Where, When, Why
and How.
One letter-story followed another, often illustrated with pictures from
discarded magazines. When I couldn't find the right illustration, I
laboriously sketched an all-thumbs grandpa original. It was an
enjoyable experience for me, and feedback from the family showed it
was enjoyable for my grandchildren as well.
Family History Scroll
The extended family's history scroll is shipped from one relative to
another in a mailing tube. Each family adds a paragraph or so about
what happened to them since the previous go-round that might be of
interest to others. Generally, the messages are hand scribed, but may be
typed and snapshots pasted on or attached with plastic adhesive tape.
When a scroll becomes too large for easy handling it may be retired and
stored with one of the family members and a note added to the next
scroll stating where the preceding scroll is stored.
What's In It for You?
Long-term studies of large communities offer evidence that individuals
with strong family and social ties tend to be healthier than who live in
isolation.

A conference of doctors and social scientists proposed a theory that
altruism, particularly when the helper observes its benefits, can reduce
feelings of helplessness and depression and thus enhance health. Also,
persons who came in direct contact with those that they aided reported
a strong and lasting sense of satisfaction, even exhilaration, an
increased sense of self-worth, less depression, and fewer aches and
pains.
Relating the theory to the theme of these notes, what a grandparent gets
back often depends to the value he or she places on, and the efforts he
or she makes toward building positive intergenerational relationships.
If family has significance, then interacting with a grandchild, near or
faraway, manifests that significance and the returns it generates.
'Returns' imply 'investments.' As grandparents age, their 'investment' is
transformed into a 'return.' The 'return' contributes vitality, vibrancy
and enrichment to a grandparent's latter years.
Picture Postcards
During a discussion among older adults, one of them said he was
having trouble coming up with what to write on a picture postcard that
he wanted to mail to his faraway grandchild. He said he'd been a
salesman but, in this situation, he was at a loss for words.
I asked him what he had done earlier that day. He mentioned several
ordinary activities and added, as an afterthought, that he had strolled
along a nearby beach.
'What did you see during your walk?'
'Seals and pelicans on the rocks offshore. Big waves rolling in. One of
the seals slid off the rock and into the water. The tide was out, and I
explored a tide pool. I saw a....'
He stared at me for a moment, grinned, took his pen from his shirt
pocket and made notes on a slip of paper.
Grandparent's Role
Grandparents generally accept and enjoy the many roles into which
they have been cast. One of the many is that they are the grandparents
of all their grandchildren, not just of one whom they chose to be their
favorite. Favoritism invites disaster.
A young mother of two posed the following dilemma to an Internet
discussion group devoted to family relations and child behavior. I
altered the text slightly, primarily to protect the writer's privacy.