A Brief Memoir | Page 6

joy;

then may I find that quiet habitation which nothing
ever gave me out
of the fold of Christ.
6th Mo. 9th. Alas! how shall I account for the
sixteen years which
have, this day, completed
their course upon my head? What shall I
render
unto the Lord for all his benefits? Shall I not,
from this time,
cry unto Him, "My Father, thou
art the guide of my youth"? But, for
the year that
is passed, what can I say? I will lay my hand on
my
mouth and acknowledge that it has been squandered.
Yes, so far as it
has not been employed about
my Father's business. But, alas! it has
been
crammed with selfishness; though now and then
He, whom I
trust I yet desire to serve, has made me
sensibly feel how precious is
every small dedication
to Himself.
6th Mo. 16th. The consideration of the peculiar
doctrines of Friends
having been lately rather
forced on my attention, let me record my
increased
conviction of the privilege of an education within
the
borders of the Society; of the great value and
importance of its

spiritual profession, and the awful
responsibility of its members to
walk so as to adorn
its doctrines, and shine as lights in the world.
Warmly as she was attached to these principles, she ever rejoiced in the
conviction that all the followers of Christ are one in Him, and that, by
whatever name designated, those who have attained to the closest
communion with Him are the nearest to one another; and when
differences in sentiment were the topic of conversation, she would
sometimes rejoin in an earnest tone, the "commandment is exceeding
broad."
2d Mo. 2d, 1840. Time passes on, and what progress
do I make,
either in usefulness in the earth,
or preparation for heaven?
Self-indulgence is the
bane of godliness, and is, alas! mine.' This
world's
goods are snares, and are, alas! snares to me.
Coward that
my heart is, when pride is piqued, I
have not resolution to conquer
my own spirit.
Pride, indolence, and worldly-mindedness are bringing

me into closer and closer bondage: the first
keeps me from true
worship by preventing me from
seeking the help and teaching of the
one Spirit;
the second, by making me yield without effort or

resistance to the uncontrolled imaginations which
the third presents.
And now do these lines witness
that, having been called to an
everlasting salvation,
God, the chief good, having manifested His
name
unto the least of His little ones, my soul and body
are for Him,
belong to Him, to be moulded and
fashioned according to His will;
and that if I
frustrate His purpose, His glorious holiness and
free
grace are unsullied and everlastingly worthy.
7th Mo. 12th. If I acknowledge my own state,
it is one cumbered with
"many things." Alas!
amid them how little space is there for the love
of
God! I have remembered the days when untold
and inexpressible
experiences were mine; when a
child's tears and prayers were seen
and heard before
the throne! The stragglings of grace and nature

have been great since then. I can look back to
years of struggles and

deliverances, years of revoltings
and of mercies. It is like "threshing
mountains"
to meddle with the strongholds of sin; but
mountains, I
sometimes hope, will be made to "skip
like rams."
10th Mo. 5th. How long have I been like the
"merchantman seeking
goodly pearls"! Ever since
reason dawned I have longed for a goodly
pearl;
though dazzled and deceived by many an empty
trifle, I
cannot plead as an excuse that I could not
find the pearl. I have seen it
at times, and felt how
untold was the price, and thought I was ready
to
sell all and buy it, sometimes believed that all was
sold; but why,
ah, why was my pledge so often
redeemed? I have been indeed like a
simple one,
who, having found a "pearl of great price," cast it
from
him for an empty, unsatisfying show.
1st Mo. 17th, 1841. Very precious as have been
the privileges
vouchsafed the last two days, I can
this morning speak of nothing as
my present condition,
but the extreme of weakness and poverty. On

6th day evening R.B. addressed us in such a way
as proved to me
that the Divine word is a discerner
of the thoughts and intents of the
heart. The
chief purport was the necessity of a willingness to
learn
daily of the great Teacher meekness and
lowliness and faithfulness in
the occupation of the
talents intrusted; "for where much is given,
much
will be required." Yesterday his parting "salutation
of
brotherly love" was such as cannot be effaced
from my memory; and
oh, I pray that it may not
from my heart. And now my prayer, my
desire,
must be for a renewed dedication. The separation,
as R.B.
said, from the right hand and the right eye
must be made: the sacrifice
which is acceptable will
always cost something.
3d Mo. 8th. Oh, may I become altogether a babe
and a fool before
myself, and, if it must be, before
others! God has been very
graciously dealing with

me.
3d Mo. 19th. Words must be much more
guarded, as well as thoughts.

This morning I am
comforted with a