9 Steps To Save Your Marriage For The Husband | Page 4

can
become defensive about your decision to divorce, and then you have inner arguments
among your own parts, that can last a lifetime. And, failure to forgive means the pain of

Wife’s Module
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this episode will stay with you forever. The anger, the self-doubts, and the continuing
pain will hurt for a very long time.
Forgiveness is a Wise Option
So, the more you consider your options, the wiser forgiveness becomes. If you won’t
forgive, you face a lifetime of pain and regret, and you’ve hurt a lot of people, and you’re
the one making the choice to do it.
If you forgive, and accept your husband’s mistake as a human error brought on by poor
coping on his part, then you’ll get some really great benefits.
We’ll teach him to cope well. Your relationship will be much happier for him and for
you. He’ll be more loving, accepting and appreciative of you than he ever was in the past.
He’ll respect and admire you for your generous forgiveness. You’ll forge a stronger bond
than you ever had before, as he learns good coping. As the relationship strengthens, he
won’t be tempted to look outside the relationship for what he already has.
The Research
We shared our research on wives who have forced a divorce following a husband’s
infidelity, with your husband. We’ll share it with you as well. For starters, virtually all of
them regretted their failure to forgive and the pain of the divorce. But, we’ll leave it up to
you to research that question for yourself. Here’s what we learned from those women that
we told your husband. Almost all of them said that they wished their husband, or
somebody, had talked them out of divorce. Notice that that is exactly what your husband
is doing his very best to do, for you.
About Forgiveness
Here are some things about forgiveness that we will teach your husband in his course. So,
if you’ve ever done anything within the relationship that can use some forgiving, notice
how forgiving he’ll be in the future. In the meantime these thoughts are for you.
Failure to forgive is the severest form of self punishment.
If I forgive, I am free to create my experience of my life with more loving thoughts,
and fewer pained and angry thoughts.
Forgiveness is a modest price to pay to achieve peace of mind.
If I can forgive others, I can forgive myself.
Don’t forgive someone because they deserve it, they may not. Forgiveness is a gift you
give yourself.
We’ll end this with a list of additional quotations on forgiveness. Thanks for listening —
Your husband loves you and wants your marriage to continue. He’s willing to learn what
it takes to make that happen. You’re a very lucky woman.

Wife’s Module
11© Visionary Publications, Inc.W9-uhwm
More Quotes
Forgiveness does not change the past, but it enlarges the future.
Any man can seek revenge. It takes a king or prince to grant a pardon.
Forgiveness is a gift of great value, yet it costs nothing.
When a deep injury is done to us we will never recover until we forgive.
A good marriage is the union of two forgivers.
Forgiveness is a choice. Not a decision. It’s an act of will.
Don’t wait to forgive until you feel like it. You may never feel like it.
Feelings may take time to heal after the choice of forgiveness is made.
Thank you for taking your time to read this module. If you wish, there are two pages of
additional reading, that follow.

Wife’s Module
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About Divorce — Additional Reading
Those who have researched divorces stemming from infidelity find there are
significant differences between men and women who have been through the
divorce experience.
Almost universally, both the men and women reported that in retrospect,
divorce between a loving couple because of infidelity, was a mistake. They
almost universally wished they had been more forgiving, or that their spouse
had talked them out of it. In summary, they felt the divorce ruined, to one
degree or another, both of their lives.
When men and women were asked “What would it have taken for you to
forgive your spouse and continue the marriage?” the answers were different
for husbands and wives.
Here is what the men said they would have need to hear in order to forgive
their wives, and continue the marriage:
• A very persuasive apology: an admission that the infidelity was foolish,
wrong, and hurtful.
• That his wife did not blame her transgressions on him. They didn’t
want to hear, “I only did what I did because he…”
• Convincing evidence that it would never happen again.
• Strong evidence that the wife really wants to save the marriage.
• Some indication that a reunited marriage would be more fun and more
satisfying than it had been before (less criticalness, more loving and
fun, less fighting).
• Recognition that her acts may have been unforgivable, and that he
would be a very generous and loving person to forgive them.
Here is what the women said they would have needed to hear in order to
forgive their husband for his indiscretions:
• A very persuasive apology: he has to