9 Steps To Save Your Marriage For The Husband | Page 3

— all by himself — can learn to turn
your relationship totally around, and make it loving, accepting, and forgiving.
If you’ll let him back into your life, he’ll make your marriage better than it ever was.
A Really Good Relationship
Here is the relationship diagram for a really good marriage, where one person copes
really well and leads both parties to have very good feelings about the relationship.
That’s what we teach: how to cope well and build extraordinary relationships.
Forgiveness
If you won’t forgive, then you’re going to face the terrible specter of divorce. Everyone
who has been through one will tell you it is awful. Divorce can cost a lot of money, be
damaging to children, if you have them, pull family members apart, cause stress at work,
split your friends, cause huge changes in your life and the lives of everybody that cares
about you: your extended family and all of your friends.
And worst of all, you’ll never get over it. The pain of divorce would stay with you
forever, and bring you nothing but pain and grief, because the self-talk will stay with you
for the rest of your life. In the self-talk, you will blame your husband for the indiscretion,
but you will blame yourself for the divorce.

Wife’s Module
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If Some Parts Won’t Forgive
Let me illustrate what I mean when I say you’ll never
get over it. Here are your parts, each with different
needs. You’ve got one, maybe two parts that won’t
forgive, if you won’t forgive.
This is your Me-part. This part cares only about you.
“Me, me, me. I want what I want when I want it.” This
part has your sense of pride, your need for status, power
and aggression. This part also keeps you alive and out of
danger, and eating, and surviving. It’s a vital, important
and strong part, maybe the strongest part of you.
Your Me-part is the one whose ego has been damaged
by your husband’s mistake. But all the other parts know
that your Me-part is causing the divorce, choosing the
divorce, and they’ll never let your Me-part forget it.
Here’s the Us-part that needs a partner in a relationship,
the part that can put the needs of your partner ahead of
your own.
Your Us-part loves your husband, and will miss him
terribly, and will keep talking about it to you inside your
head. Your Us-part is very forgiving and wants to keep
the marriage.
Here’s the Children-part that needs children and puts the
needs of children ahead of your own.
Your Children-part knows the damage that divorce can
do to children, and this part puts the needs of the
children ahead of your own or your partner’s. If you
have children, this part is saying things like “Don’t
break up, it’s bad for the kids, it could ruin them, they
need both of you. You need to soft-pedal the ego thing
and pay attention to what’s good for the kids.”
Here’s the Extended-family-part that has a blood bond
with siblings and parents, and respects the inter-family
relationships with your in-laws.
Your Extended-family-part will be yelling at you about
the chaos a divorce would bring to both extended
families. You’ll lose part of your extended family, and
that part will complain to you forever.

Wife’s Module
9© Visionary Publications, Inc.W9-uhwm
Here is your Work-part that has needs to contribute and
achieve and whether you work in the workplace or at
home, will sometimes put the needs of the work ahead
of the needs of yourself, partner, kids, or family.
Your Work-part will tell you that divorce is stressful, it
could affect your work, and odds are good that this part
is feeling enough work stress already.
Here is your Beliefs-part, the part that can put the need
to honoring your beliefs ahead of your own or other
part’s needs.
Depending on your beliefs, your Beliefs-part may be
with your Me-part, or against it. You may have some
deeply held beliefs that fidelity is vitally important. You
may also have some deeply felt beliefs about the value
and importance of forgiveness. So, the beliefs part may
vacillate and make internal comments on both sides of
the question.
This is your Interests-part, the part that might put your
needs of your hobby, or reading, or learning, ahead of
the other part’s needs.
This is your Affiliation-part, that needs to have friends,
neighbors, groups to be part of, and a nation to serve.
This part will put the needs of the group, or the nation
ahead of all other needs when called to do so.
Your Affiliation-part will want to keep all your friends,
and neighbors, and church groups, bridge friends, and
other groups, many of which will be lost if you have to
move, or if you get spread too thin on finances.
Last, here is your Sage-part, your wisest part, that has
the need to use your accumulated wisdom
Your sage part won’t say much, but if asked, it’ll tell
you that forgiveness is wise, and divorce is painful.
You’re probably hearing all these voices and thoughts running through your head
already, and based on everything we hear from people who have chosen divorce in your
situation, the self-talk continues for the rest of your life. Not only that, but you