Womans Endurance | Page 5

the bottom of our
grief?"
10 p.m., walked through Camp.
Great coughs; little coughs; deep coughs; shrill coughs; hoarse coughs;
long coughs; short coughs; coughs that are no coughs at all. Wonder
how many are to die to-night!

* * * * *
Wednesday, August 28.--Now if there is anything that rubs me up the
wrong way, it is to see a crowd around a tent doorway, watching the
end. Yesterday I lost my temper at 35, and gave it hot all round. Such
barefaced curiosity is revolting; I hate it.
Yes, 35 (21 years) passed away last night, and so did 415 (Mrs.
Meintjes), whom I visited late last evening.
This morning the black list was laid on my table; twelve[17] in the
night--339, 415, 125, 253, 180, 526, 419, 35, 353, 450, I didn't expect
415 to live long.
The night has been a most restless one; "Ja, minheer, ons het vannacht
nie rust gehad nie" ("Yes, sir, we had no rest last night") (morgue tents
men).
I woke at 2 a.m. with the tramp of these bearers removing corpses[18].
One longs for day, and the night seems never to end.
Twice funerals--morning at 11 a.m. (six), "Leer ons alzoo onze dagen
tellen" ("So teach us to number our days"); afternoon, 4 p.m. (six), "En
de dooden werden geoordeeld uit hetgeen in de boeken geschreven was,
naar hunne werken" ("And the dead were judged out of those things
which were written in the books, according to their works").
Our wood has given in, and we are forced to bury in blankets. But let
me not think on it! It is painful to remember, and our people feel very
deeply.
The Van der Walts managed to put together an apology for a coffin,
and there was something pathetically comic about that production. I
think it was made of candle and milk boxes.
That reminds me, what queer pastimes some folks can have. One man
casually informed me that he attends all the funerals! But some folks

unconsciously delight to wander in the sombre shadows of life. A
funeral to me is a most fatiguing duty; more so when one has to give an
address at the graves, and there is no time for preparation except on the
march to the burying ground. I am getting reckless, for I am forced
absolutely to rely on impromptu grace. I tremble, when I think what I
risk each day.
Visits only a dozen, owing to funerals.
Sad about 91; very bad.
599, 602, 606, 16, 238, 327, all new tents, with great affliction; must go
soon again.
Called to 117; Nel; young wife; just received tidings of her husband's
death in Ceylon; desperately stricken; hard, hard case.
Called to hospital; Annie Bothma[19]; strong young girl (twenty); very
bad; just struggling to live; mother holding hand. Foeitog! (alas!) So
well and strong; horrid pneumonia; have visited her again, and cannot
get reconciled that she should die. And yet she yearns to be
"ontbonden" (loosed), and begs of me to pray to that effect. Now, God
forgive me, but this dying girl's request I cannot, cannot accede to.
Humanly speaking, she simply cannot live; it is only her abnormally
strong constitution that fights so grimly. I have wrestled with God for
her life. Oh, she must not, may not, die! Think of the weak, frail
mother--of the father far, far away in Ceylon! "O ye of little faith"; and
yet I firmly believe God can still spare her life.
Yesterday, row about the miserable meat[20]. Some women rather
violent and loose with tongue; to-day committed to imprisonment.
Yesterday my letters were returned by the Censor. I boiled over for
some time; such a little snob, who is too big for his boots! Pinpricks;
will fight it out to-morrow.
* * * * *
Thursday, August 29.--Went back to hospital after writing above, and

then I did indeed pray as the sick girl desired. God took her home at
about two this morning. Poor child! she did suffer so very much, and
yet withal so patiently; "Die doctor het mij gif ingespuyt en gif ingege
daarom lei ik zoo zwaar" ("The doctor injected poison into me, and
gave me to take poison; that is why I suffer so bitterly"); very likely
morphia had to be injected. Whenever I repeated a verse to her she
would say the lines in advance.
After breakfast I went to village for first time; saw Magistrate; obtained
residential pass; hunted high and low for boards for coffin for Annie
Bothma. At last, after despairing search, succeeded in getting six
boards and two boxes; hope they will be enough wherewith to fashion
some sort of a coffin.
Dined with the Beckers.
Deaths last night--8, 129, 401, 52, 427, 213, 239, and one in hospital.