Wit, Humor, Reason, Rhetoric, Prose, Poetry and Story Woven into Eight Popular Lectures | Page 9

rarely ever failed to get the best of whoever tried
repartee with him, met more than his match when he ran up against
Yankee tact. He was raising money to pay off the debt on a church.
A liberal member said: "Mr. Jones, I have given about all I can afford
to give, but if you will get one dollar from that old man on the end of
the back bench of the 'amen corner,' I'll give you ten dollars more."
"Has he any money, and is he a member of the church?"
"Yes," was the answer to both questions.
The great evangelist said: "Well, that's easy," and started for the dollar.
Approaching the old man he said: "Brother, I'm collecting money for
the Lord. You owe him a dollar. I'm told you are an honest man and
always pay your debts, so hand over that dollar."
"How old are you, sir?" asked the old man.
When Sam gave his age at about forty, the old brother said: "I'm nearly
double your age, sir, and will very likely see the Lord before you do, so
I'll just give him the dollar myself."
I lectured in New England a few years ago when before me sat a
Yankee with his two sons. He sat between them and when I made a
point which he approved, he would nudge the boys. He seemed to be

driving my advice in with his elbows. At the close of the lecture I took
his hand and said: "I see you have your boys with you."
He replied: "Yes, I always take the two boys with me when I attend a
lecture. I presume when a speaker has prepared himself he is going to
get about the best things out of his subject, and will put them in a way
to take hold and benefit young men. If I were going to get the same
information out of books I might have to spend a dollar or two, when I
only paid fifteen cents each for them to hear your lecture."
This trait of tact, however, is moving south, and even the colored race
is getting hold of it. An old negro who was born on the plantation
where he lived when set free, remained after the war in his cabin and
worked for the son of his old master. In his old age his memory began
to fail and he would neglect to do things he was told to do. The young
man was patient with the old negro for quite a while but finally said to
him:
"Uncle Dan, you must do better or you and I will have to separate."
The old servant said: "Mars Jim, I does the best I can. I is mighty sorry
I forgits things and I'se gwine to try to do better."
But he grew worse and one evening when he failed to do a very
important chore, the young man said: "I told you what would happen if
you did not do better and the time has come when you and I separate."
Uncle Dan replied: "I'se mighty sorry, Marse Jim. I was here when you
was born, and when you growed big enuf I ust to take you on de mule
out to de field wif me, and I members how you ust to take de lines and
dribe de ole mule. Den when de war broke out and ole Master jined de
army, I stayed here and took care ob ole Missus and you chilluns. I
shore is mighty sorry we's got to part, but if you says so den its got to
be, but look here, Mars Jim, if we's got to part, whar's you counting on
moving to?"
By this time tact had done its work, aggravation had melted into
forgiveness and the young man said: "I'm not going to move anywhere,

Uncle Dan, nor shall you. We'll both stay here on the old plantation
together." That was certainly tact on the old man's part.
A young negro, who craved a ride on a railroad train but had no money,
crept under the baggage car and fixed himself on the truck. The train
started and when at full speed the engine struck a mule and tore the
animal to pieces. Part of the mangled remains was carried into the
running gear of the baggage car. The engineer stopped the train and
commenced pulling out pieces of mule here and there until he reached
the baggage car, when, looking under for more of the mule, he saw the
white eyes of the negro.
"Come out, you imp, what are you doing under there?" said the
engineer.
Back came the tactful reply: "Boss, I wus de fellow what wus ridin' dat
mule."
The engineer said: "Well, I