Wit, Humor, Reason, Rhetoric, Prose, Poetry and Story Woven into Eight Popular Lectures | Page 8

God made the monkey for a joke it was
certainly a success. If God had made the monkey for no other purpose
than to create laughter it wouldn't have been a mistake. The lachrymal
glands were placed in us for sorrow to play upon; we are commanded
to "weep with those who weep." In antithesis to this the risable nerves
were placed in us for mirthful music, and I pity the one who has broken
the keys and cannot laugh.
I believe we owe the Irishman a vote of thanks for the ringing laughs he
has sent around the world. An Irishman said to a rich English
land-owner:
"Me Lord, I think the world is very unaqually divided; it should be
portioned out and each one given an aqual share with ivery other one?"
The Englishman replied: "Well, Pat, if we were to divide today, in ten
years I would have ten thousand pounds and you wouldn't have a
shilling."
"Then we would divide again," said the Irishman.
On an electric car going out of New York City, a man, who occupied a
seat next to the aisle, had a pet monkey in a cage on the seat with him,
next to the window. An Irishman boarded the car and seeing all the
seats taken he remained standing, holding on to a strap, when suddenly
he spied the monkey in the cage. He immediately addressed the man
who had the monkey:
"Sir, is that gintleman in the cage paying his fare? If not, I'd like to
have the sate."
The owner of the monkey lifted the cage to his lap and moved over,
giving the Irishman a seat.
"What's the nationality of that gintleman, anyway?" asked Pat.
By this time the other man was very much out of humor and said: "He's
half ape and half Irish."

"Faith, then he's related to both of us," replied the witty son of Erin, and
there were two monkeys on that car.
I'll admit this trait of humor comes in sometimes when it is quite
embarrassing, as it was to Sam Jones upon one occasion, when in the
midst of a sermon before a large audience, he said:
"All you who want to go to heaven, stand up; I'd like to take a look at
you."
The audience arose in great numbers. When seated again Mr. Jones said:
"Now all you who want to go to the devil, stand and let's have a look at
you."
All was silent for a moment and then a tall, lank, lean fellow from the
backwoods arose and said: "Well, parson, I don't care anything special
about seeing the old chap, but I never desert a friend in trouble,
specially a minister, so I guess I'll have to stand with you."
Dr. Frank Gunsaulus told me of a time when he had to laugh under
embarrassing circumstances. He was called upon to preach the funeral
of a man who had died from the effects of drink. His friends had made
a box for the corpse and had placed in the top a ten by twelve window
glass to go over the face, but when the time came to put the top on the
box, being double-sighted from drink, they reversed the top and had the
glass at the foot of the coffin instead of the head.
The preacher took his place, as he supposed, at the head of the deceased,
when looking down his eyes fell upon a pair of feet. With great effort
he kept his face straight and conducted the service. At the close he
invited the friends to view the remains. One stimulated friend walked
up to the coffin, shook his head and turning to another said: "Don't look
at him, Jim. He's changing very fast and you won't know him."
The great preacher is to be excused if he did laught at that funeral.
It's good to laugh, and yet, while I pay tribute to the trait of humor, I
would have the undergirding trait of all traits of character, the trait of

principle. Though you may use policy now and then, never use a policy
you must get off the heaven-bound express train of principle to use.
I don't like that word policy. There is another and better name for the
trait I would present just here, and that is tact. It means the doing of a
right thing at the right time and in the right place. Some young men win
first honors in college and fail in the business of life for want of tact.
Here is where the Yankee excels. The Southerner is genial, generous
and has many traits of character to be admired, but he must doff his hat
to Yankee character for the development of tact.
Sam Jones, who