Winsome Winnie and other New Nonsense Novels

Winsome Winnie and other New
Nonsense Novels, by

Stephen Leacock This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no
cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give
it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License
included with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
Title: Winsome Winnie and other New Nonsense Novels
Author: Stephen Leacock
Release Date: February 20, 2007 [EBook #20633]
Language: English
Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
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WINNIE AND OTHERS ***

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WINSOME WINNIE AND OTHER NEW NONSENSE NOVELS
BY THE SAME AUTHOR
THE HOHENZOLLERNS IN AMERICA AND OTHER

IMPOSSIBILITIES
LITERARY LAPSES
NONSENSE NOVELS
SUNSHINE SKETCHES OF A LITTLE TOWN. With a Frontispiece
by Cyrus Cuneo
BEHIND THE BEYOND AND OTHER CONTRIBUTIONS TO
HUMAN KNOWLEDGE. With 17 Illustrations by "FISH"
ARCADIAN ADVENTURES WITH THE IDLE RICH
MOONBEAMS FROM THE LARGER LUNACY
ESSAYS AND LITERARY STUDIES
FURTHER FOOLISHNESS: SKETCHES AND SATIRES ON THE
FOLLIES OF THE DAY. With coloured Frontispiece by "FISH" and 5
other Plates by M. BLOOD.
FRENZIED FICTION
THE UNSOLVED RIDDLE OF SOCIAL JUSTICE.
THE BODLEY HEAD

WINSOME WINNIE AND OTHER NEW NONSENSE NOVELS
BY STEPHEN LEACOCK
LONDON: JOHN LANE, THE BODLEY HEAD NEW YORK: JOHN
LANE COMPANY MCMXXI
Printed in Great Britain by R. Clay & Sons, Ltd., London and Bungay

CONTENTS

CHAP.
I. WINSOME WINNIE; OR, TRIAL AND TEMPTATION I.
THROWN ON THE WORLD II. A RENCOUNTER III. FRIENDS IN
DISTRESS IV. A GAMBLING PARTY IN ST. JAMES'S CLOSE V.
THE ABDUCTION VI. THE UNKNOWN VII. THE PROPOSAL VIII.
WEDDED AT LAST
II. JOHN AND I; OR, HOW I NEARLY LOST MY HUSBAND
III. THE SPLIT IN THE CABINET; OR, THE FATE OF ENGLAND
IV. WHO DO YOU THINK DID IT? OR, THE MIXED-UP
MURDER MYSTERY I. HE DINED WITH ME LAST NIGHT II. I
MUST SAVE HER LIFE III. I MUST BUY A BOOK ON
BILLIARDS IV. THAT IS NOT BILLIARD CHALK V. HAS
ANYBODY HERE SEEN KELLY? VI. SHOW ME THE MAN WHO
WORE THOSE BOOTS VII. OH, MR. KENT, SAVE ME! VIII. YOU
ARE PETER KELLY IX. LET ME TELL YOU THE STORY OF MY
LIFE X. SO DO I
V. BROKEN BARRIERS; OR, RED LOVE ON A BLUE ISLAND
VI. THE KIDNAPPED PLUMBER: A TALE OF THE NEW TIME
VII. THE BLUE AND THE GREY: A PRE-WAR WAR STORY
VIII. BUGGAM GRANGE: A GOOD OLD GHOST STORY

I
WINSOME WINNIE
OR, TRIAL AND TEMPTATION

(Narrated after the best models of 1875)

I.--Winsome Winnie; or, Trial and Temptation.
CHAPTER I
THROWN ON THE WORLD
"Miss Winnifred," said the Old Lawyer, looking keenly over and
through his shaggy eyebrows at the fair young creature seated before
him, "you are this morning twenty-one."
Winnifred Clair raised her deep mourning veil, lowered her eyes and
folded her hands.
"This morning," continued Mr. Bonehead, "my guardianship is at an
end."
There was a tone of something like emotion in the voice of the stern old
lawyer, while for a moment his eye glistened with something like a tear
which he hastened to remove with something like a handkerchief. "I
have therefore sent for you," he went on, "to render you an account of
my trust."
He heaved a sigh at her, and then, reaching out his hand, he pulled the
woollen bell-rope up and down several times.
An aged clerk appeared.
"Did the bell ring?" he asked.
"I think it did," said the Lawyer. "Be good enough, Atkinson, to fetch
me the papers of the estate of the late Major Clair defunct."
"I have them here," said the clerk, and he laid upon the table a bundle
of faded blue papers, and withdrew.

"Miss Winnifred," resumed the Old Lawyer, "I will now proceed to
give you an account of the disposition that has been made of your
property. This first document refers to the sum of two thousand pounds
left to you by your great uncle. It is lost."
Winnifred bowed.
"Pray give me your best attention and I will endeavour to explain to
you how I lost it."
"Oh, sir," cried Winnifred, "I am only a poor girl unskilled in the ways
of the world, and knowing nothing but music and French; I fear that the
details of business are beyond my grasp. But if it is lost, I gather that it
is gone."
"It is," said Mr. Bonehead. "I lost it in a marginal option in an
undeveloped oil company. I suppose that means nothing to you."
"Alas," sighed Winnifred, "nothing."
"Very good," resumed the Lawyer. "Here next we have a statement in
regard to the thousand pounds left you under the will of your maternal
grandmother. I lost it at Monte