Uncle Josh Weathersbys Punkin Centre Stories | Page 4

rainy day.
Sometimes it jist seemed to me thar wa'nt no end of books,
Some made fer useful readin' and some jist made fer looks;
But of all the different books I've read, thar's none comes up at all
To My Old Yaller Almanac, Hangin' on the Kitchen Wall.
I've always liked amusement, of the good and wholesome kind,
It's better than a doctor, and it elevates the mind;
So, often of an evening, when the farm chores all were done,
I'd join the games the boys would play, gosh how I liked the fun;
And once thar wuz a minstrel troop, they showed at our Town Hall,
A jolly lot of fellers, 'bout twenty of 'em all.
Wall I went down to see 'em, but their jokes, I knowed 'em all,

Read 'em in My Old Yaller Almanac, Hangin' on the Kitchen Wall.
Thar wuz Ezra Hoskins, Deacon Brown and a lot of us old codgers,
Used to meet down at the grocery store, what wuz kept by Jason
Rogers.
There we'd set and argufy most every market day,
Chawin' tobacker and whittlin' sticks to pass the time away;
And many a knotty problem has put us on our mettle,
Which we felt it wuz our duty to duly solve and settle;
Then after they had said their say, who thought they knowed it all,
I'd floor 'em with some facts I'd got
From My Old Yaller Almanac, Hangin' on the Kitchen Wall.
It beats a regular cyclopedium, that old fashioned yeller book,
And many a pleasant hour in readin' it I've took;
Somehow I've never tired of lookin' through its pages,
Seein' of the different things that's happened in all ages.
One time I wuz elected a Justice of the Peace,
To make out legal documents, a mortgage or a lease,
Them tricks that lawyers have, you bet I knowed them all,
Learned them in My Old Yaller Almanac, Hangin' on the Kitchen Wall.
So now I've bin to New York, and all your sights I've seen,
I s'pose that to you city folks I must look most awful green,
Gee whiz, what lots of fun I've had as I walked round the town,
Havin' Bunco Steerers ask me if I wasn't Mr. Hiram Brown.
I've rode on all your trolloly cars, and hung onto the straps,
When we flew around the corners, sat on other peoples' laps,
Hav'nt had no trouble, not a bit at all,
Read about your city in My Old Yaller Almanac, Hangin' on the
Kitchen Wall.

Uncle Josh Weathersby's Arrival in New York
WALL, fer a long time I had my mind made up that I'd cum down to
New York, and so a short time ago, as I had my crops all gathered in
and produce sold I calculated as how it would be a good time to come
down here. Folks at home said I'd be buncoed or have my pockets
picked fore I'd bin here mor'n half an hour; wall, I fooled 'em a little bit,
I wuz here three days afore they buncoed me. I spose as how there are a
good many of them thar bunco fellers around New York, but I tell you

them thar street keer conductors take mighty good care on you. I wuz
ridin' along in one of them keers, had my pockit book right in my hand,
I alowed no feller would pick my pockits and git it long as I had it in
my hand, and it shet up tight as a barrel when the cider's workin'. Wall
that conductor feller he jest kept his eye on me, and every little bit he'd
put his head in the door and say "hold fast." But I'm transgressin' from
what I started to tell ye. I wuz ridin' along in one of them sleepin' keers
comin' here, and along in the night some time I felt a feller rummagin'
around under my bed, and I looked out jest in time to see him goin'
away with my boots, wall I knowed the way that train wuz a runnin' he
couldn't git off with them without breakin' his durned neck, but in about
half an hour he brot them back, guess they didn't fit him. Wall I wuz
sort of glad he took em cause he hed em all shined up slicker 'n a new
tin whistle. Wall when I got up in the mornin' my trubbles commenced.
I wuz so crouded up like, durned if I could git my clothes on, and when
I did git em on durned if my pants wa'nt on hind side afore, and my
socks got all tangled up in that little fish net along side of the bed and I
couldn't git em out, and I lost a bran