Uncle Josh Weathersbys Punkin Centre Stories | Page 5

they'd have any like it in New York, wall I see one stuck right in the wall so I tried to git it out with my jack knife, when along came that durned black jumpin' jack dressed in soldier clothes and ast me what I wanted, and I told him I didn't want anything perticler, then he told me to quit ringin' the bell, guess he wuz a little crazy, I didn't see no bell. Wall, finally I got my clothes on and went into a room whar they had a row of little troughs to wash in, and fast as I could pump water in the durned thing it run out of a little hole in the bottom of the trough so I jest had to grab a handful and then pump some more. Wall after that things went along purty well fer a right smart while, then I et a snack out of my carpet bag and felt purty good. Wall that train got to runnin' slower and slower 'till it stopped at every house and when it cum to a double house it stopped twice. I hed my ticket in my hat and I put my head out of the window to look at suthin' when the wind blew my hat off and I lost the durned old ticket, wall the conductor made me buy another one. I hed to buy two tickets to ride once, but I fooled him, he don't know a durned thing about it and when he finds it out he's goin to be the maddest conductor on that railroad, I got a round trip ticket and I ain't a goin' back on his durned old road. When I got off the ferry boat down here I commenced to think I wuz about the best lookin' old feller what ever cum to New York, thar wuz a lot of fellers down thar with buggies and kerridges and one thing and another, and jest the minnit they seen me they all commenced to holler-- handsome--handsome. I didn't know I wuz so durned good lookin'. One feller tried to git my carpet bag and another tried to git my umbreller, and I jest told 'em to stand back or durned if I wouldn't take a wrestle out of one or two of them, then I asked one of 'em if he could haul me up to the Sturtevessant hotel, and by gosh I never heered a feller stutter like that feller did in all my life, he said ye-ye-ye-yes sir, and I said wall how much air you a goin' to charge me, and he said f-f-f-fif-fif-fifty c-c-cents, and I sed wall I guess I'll ride with you, but don't stop to talk about it any more cause I'd kinder like to git thar. Wall we started out and when we stopped we wuz away up at the other end of the town whar thar warn't many houses, and I sed to him, this here ain't the Sturtevessant hotel, and he sed n-n-n-no n-s-s- n-no sir, I sed why didn't you let me out at the hotel like I told ye, and he sed, b-b-b-be c-c-c b-b-be cause I c-c-c-c-couldn't s-s-s-say w-w-w-whoa q-q-q-q-quick enough. Wall I hed a great time with that feller, but I got here at last.

Uncle Josh in Society
WALL, I did'nt suppose when I cum down here to New York that I wuz a goin to flop right into the middle of high toned society, but I guess that's jist about what I done. You see I had an old friend a livin' down here named Henry Higgins, and I wanted to see Henry mighty bad. Henry and me, we wuz boys together down home at Punkin Centre, and I hadn't seen him in a long time. Wall, I got a feller to look up his name in the city almanac, and he showed me whar Henry lived, away up on a street called avenue five. Wall when I seen Henry's house it jist about took my breath away, I wuz that clar sot back. Henry's house is a good deal bigger'n the court house at Punkin Centre. Wall at first I didn't know whether to go in or not, but finally I mustered up my courage, and I went up and rang some new fangled door bell, when a feller with knee britches on cum out and wanted to know who it wuz I wanted to see. Gosh I couldn't say anything fer about a minnit, that feller jist looked to me like a picter I'd seen in a story book. Wall finally I told him I wanted to see Henry Higgins, if it wuz the same Henry I used to know down home at Punkin Centre. Wall I guess Henry