Troilus and Cressida | Page 6

but brown.
PANDARUS. Faith, to say truth, brown and not brown.
CRESSIDA. To say the truth, true and not true.
PANDARUS. She prais'd his complexion above Paris.
CRESSIDA. Why, Paris hath colour enough.
PANDARUS. So he has.
CRESSIDA. Then Troilus should have too much. If she prais'd him
above, his complexion is higher than his; he having colour enough, and
the other higher, is too flaming praise for a good complexion. I had as
lief Helen's golden tongue had commended Troilus for a copper nose.
PANDARUS. I swear to you I think Helen loves him better than Paris.
CRESSIDA. Then she's a merry Greek indeed.
PANDARUS. Nay, I am sure she does. She came to him th' other day
into the compass'd window--and you know he has not past three or four
hairs on his chin--
CRESSIDA. Indeed a tapster's arithmetic may soon bring his
particulars therein to a total.
PANDARUS. Why, he is very young, and yet will he within three
pound lift as much as his brother Hector.
CRESSIDA. Is he so young a man and so old a lifter?
PANDARUS. But to prove to you that Helen loves him: she came and
puts me her white hand to his cloven chin--
CRESSIDA. Juno have mercy! How came it cloven?
PANDARUS. Why, you know, 'tis dimpled. I think his smiling
becomes him better than any man in all Phrygia.
CRESSIDA. O, he smiles valiantly!

PANDARUS. Does he not?
CRESSIDA. O yes, an 'twere a cloud in autumn!
PANDARUS. Why, go to, then! But to prove to you that Helen loves
Troilus--
CRESSIDA. Troilus will stand to the proof, if you'll prove it so.
PANDARUS. Troilus! Why, he esteems her no more than I esteem an
addle egg.
CRESSIDA. If you love an addle egg as well as you love an idle head,
you would eat chickens i' th' shell.
PANDARUS. I cannot choose but laugh to think how she tickled his
chin. Indeed, she has a marvell's white hand, I must needs confess.
CRESSIDA. Without the rack.
PANDARUS. And she takes upon her to spy a white hair on his chin.
CRESSIDA. Alas, poor chin! Many a wart is richer.
PANDARUS. But there was such laughing! Queen Hecuba laugh'd that
her eyes ran o'er.
CRESSIDA. With millstones.
PANDARUS. And Cassandra laugh'd.
CRESSIDA. But there was a more temperate fire under the pot of her
eyes. Did her eyes run o'er too?
PANDARUS. And Hector laugh'd.
CRESSIDA. At what was all this laughing?
PANDARUS. Marry, at the white hair that Helen spied on Troilus'
chin.
CRESSIDA. An't had been a green hair I should have laugh'd too.
PANDARUS. They laugh'd not so much at the hair as at his pretty
answer.
CRESSIDA. What was his answer?
PANDARUS. Quoth she 'Here's but two and fifty hairs on your chin,
and one of them is white.'
CRESSIDA. This is her question.
PANDARUS. That's true; make no question of that. 'Two and fifty
hairs,' quoth he 'and one white. That white hair is my father, and all the
rest are his sons.' 'Jupiter!' quoth she 'which of these hairs is Paris my
husband?' 'The forked one,' quoth he, 'pluck't out and give it him.' But
there was such laughing! and Helen so blush'd, and Paris so chaf'd; and
all the rest so laugh'd that it pass'd.

CRESSIDA. So let it now; for it has been a great while going by.
PANDARUS. Well, cousin, I told you a thing yesterday; think on't.
CRESSIDA. So I do.
PANDARUS. I'll be sworn 'tis true; he will weep you, and 'twere a man
born in April.
CRESSIDA. And I'll spring up in his tears, an 'twere a nettle against
May.
[Sound a retreat.]
PANDARUS. Hark! they are coming from the field. Shall we stand up
here and see them as they pass toward Ilium? Good niece, do, sweet
niece Cressida.
CRESSIDA. At your pleasure.
PANDARUS. Here, here, here's an excellent place; here we may see
most bravely. I'll tell you them all by their names as they pass by; but
mark Troilus above the rest.
[AENEAS passes.]
CRESSIDA. Speak not so loud.
PANDARUS. That's Aeneas. Is not that a brave man? He's one of the
flowers of Troy, I can tell you. But mark Troilus; you shall see anon.
[ANTENOR passes.]
CRESSIDA. Who's that?
PANDARUS. That's Antenor. He has a shrewd wit, I can tell you; and
he's a man good enough; he's one o' th' soundest judgments in Troy,
whosoever, and a proper man of person. When comes Troilus? I'll show
you Troilus anon. If he see me, you shall see him nod at me.
CRESSIDA. Will he give you the nod?
PANDARUS. You shall see.
CRESSIDA. If he do, the rich shall have more.
[HECTOR passes.]
PANDARUS. That's Hector, that, that, look you, that; there's a