Trips to the Moon | Page 7

threw it (for they happened at that
time to be sailing on the Hydaspes) directly into the river: "Thus," said
he, "ought you to have been served yourself for pretending to describe
my battles, and killing half a dozen elephants for me with a single
spear." This anger was worthy of Alexander, of him who could not bear
the adulation of that architect {29} who promised to transform Mount
Athos into a statue of him; but he looked upon the man from that time
as a base flatterer, and never employed him afterwards.
What is there in this custom, therefore, that can be agreeable, unless to
the proud and vain; to deformed men or ugly women, who insist on
being painted handsome, and think they shall look better if the artist
gives them a little more red and white! Such, for the most part, are the
historians of our times, who sacrifice everything to the present moment
and their own interest and advantage; who can only be despised as
ignorant flatterers of the age they live in; and as men, who, at the same
time, by their extravagant stories, make everything which they relate
liable to suspicion. If notwithstanding any are still of opinion, that the
agreeable should be admitted in history, let them join that which is
pleasant with that which is true, by the beauties of style and diction,
instead of foisting in, as is commonly done, what is nothing to the
purpose.

I will now acquaint you with some things I lately picked up in Ionia
and Achaia, from several historians, who gave accounts of this war. By
the graces I beseech you to give me credit for what I am going to tell
you, as I could swear to the truth of it, if it were polite to swear in a
dissertation. One of these gentlemen begins by invoking the Muses, and
entreats the goddesses to assist him in the performance. What an
excellent setting out and how properly is this form of speech adapted to
history! A little farther on, he compares our emperor to Achilles, and
the Persian king to Thersites; not considering that his Achilles would
have been a much greater man if he had killed Hector rather than
Thersites; if the brave should fly, he who pursues must be braver. Then
follows an encomium on himself, showing how worthy he is to recite
such noble actions; and when he is got on a little, he extols his own
country, Miletus, adding that in this he had acted better than Homer,
who never tells us where he was born. He informs us, moreover, at the
end of his preface, in the most plain and positive terms, that he shall
take care to make the best he can of our own affairs, and, as far as lies
in his power, to get the upper hand of our enemies the barbarians. After
investigating the cause of the war, he begins thus: "That vilest of all
wretches, Vologesus, entered upon the war for these reasons." Such is
this historian's manner. Another, a close imitator of Thucydides, that he
may set out as his master does, gives us an exordium that smells of the
true Attic honey, and begins thus: "Creperius Calpurnianus, a citizen of
Pompeia, hath written the history of the war between the Parthians and
the Romans, showing how they fought with one another, commencing
at the time when it first broke out." After this, need I inform you how
he harangued in Armenia, by another Corcyraean orator? or how, to be
revenged of the Nisibaeans for not taking part with the Romans, he sent
the plague amongst them, taking the whole from Thucydides, excepting
the long walls of Athens. He had begun from AEthiopia, descended
into Egypt, and passed over great part of the royal territory. Well it was
that he stopped there. When I left him, he was burying the miserable
Athenians at Nisibis; but as I knew what he was going to tell us, I took
my leave of him.
Another thing very common with these historians is, by way of
imitating Thucydides, to make use of his phrases, perhaps with a little

alteration, to adopt his manner, in little modes and expressions, such as,
"you must yourself acknowledge," "for the same reason," "a little more,
and I had forgot," and the like. This same writer, when he has occasion
to mention bridges, fosses, or any of the machines used in war, gives
them Roman names; but how does it suit the dignity of history, or
resemble Thucydides, to mix the Attic and Italian thus, as if it was
ornamental and becoming?
Another of them gives us a plain simple journal of everything that was
done, such as a common soldier might have written,