The Works of John Dryden, Volume 6 | Page 5

offence. Next summer, Nostradamus tells, they say, That all the critics shall be shipped away, And not enow be left to damn a play. To every sail beside, good heaven, be kind; But drive away that swarm with such a wind, That not one locust may be left behind!

DRAMATIS PERSON?
ALDO, _an honest, good-natured, free-hearted old gentleman of the town._ WOODALL, _his son, under a false name; bred abroad, and now returned from travel._ LIMBERHAM, _a tame, foolish keeper, persuaded by what is last said to him, and changing next word._ BRAINSICK, _a husband, who, being well conceited of himself, despises his wife: vehement and eloquent, as he thinks; but indeed a talker of nonsense._ GERVASE, WOODALL'S _man: formal, and apt to give good counsel._ GILES, WOODALL'S _cast servant._
MRS SAINTLY, _an hypocritical fanatic, landlady of the boarding-house._ MRS TRICKSY, _a termagant kept mistress._ MRS PLEASANCE, supposed daughter to MRS SAINTLY: _Spiteful and satirical; but secretly in love with_ WOODALL. MRS BRAINSICK. JUDITH, _a maid of the house._
SCENE--_A Boarding-house in Town._

LIMBERHAM;
OR, THE
KIND KEEPER.
ACT I.
SCENE I.--_An open Garden-House; a table in it, and chairs._
Enter WOODALL and GERVASE.
_Wood._ Bid the footman receive the trunks and portmantua; and see them placed in the lodgings you have taken for me, while I walk a turn here in the garden.
_Gerv._ It is already ordered, sir. But they are like to stay in the outer-room, till the mistress of the house return from morning exercise.
_Wood._ What, she's gone to the parish church, it seems, to her devotions!
_Gerv._ No, sir; the servants have informed me, that she rises every morning, and goes to a private meeting-house; where they pray for the government, and practise against the authority of it.
_Wood._ And hast thou trepanned me into a tabernacle of the godly? Is this pious boarding-house a place for me, thou wicked varlet?
_Gerv._ According to human appearance, I must confess, it is neither fit for you, nor you for it; but have patience, sir; matters are not so bad as they may seem. There are pious bawdy-houses in the world, or conventicles would not be so much frequented. Neither is it impossible, but a devout fanatic landlady of a boarding-house may be a bawd.
_Wood._ Ay, to those of her own church, I grant you, Gervase; but I am none of those.
_Gerv._ If I were worthy to read you a lecture in the mystery of wickedness, I would instruct you first in the art of seeming holiness: But, heaven be thanked, you have a toward and pregnant genius to vice, and need not any man's instruction; and I am too good, I thank my stars, for the vile employment of a pimp.
_Wood._ Then thou art even too good for me; a worse man will serve my turn.
_Gerv._ I call your conscience to witness, how often I have given you wholesome counsel; how often I have said to you, with tears in my eyes, master, or master Aldo--
_Wood._ Mr Woodall, you rogue! that is my _nomme de guerre._ You know I have laid by Aldo, for fear that name should bring me to the notice of my father.
_Gerv._ Cry you mercy, good Mr Woodall. How often have I said,--Into what courses do you run! Your father sent you into France at twelve years old; bred you up at Paris, first in a college, and then at an academy: At the first, instead of running through a course of philosophy, you ran through all the bawdy-houses in town: At the latter, instead of managing the great horse, you exercised on your master's wife. What you did in Germany, I know not; but that you beat them all at their own weapon, drinking, and have brought home a goblet of plate from Munster, for the prize of swallowing a gallon of Rhenish more than the bishop.
_Wood._ Gervase, thou shalt be my chronicler; thou losest none of my heroic actions.
_Gerv._ What a comfort are you like to prove to your good old father! You have run a campaigning among the French these last three years, without his leave; and now he sends for you back, to settle you in the world, and marry you to the heiress of a rich gentleman, of whom he had the guardianship, yet you do not make your application to him.
_Wood._ Pr'ythee, no more.
_Gerv._ You are come over, have been in town above a week incognito, haunting play-houses, and other places, which for modesty I name not; and have changed your name from Aldo to Woodall, for fear of being discovered to him: You have not so much as inquired where he is lodged, though you know he is most commonly in London: And lastly, you have discharged my honest fellow-servant Giles, because--
_Wood._ Because he was too saucy, and was ever offering to give me counsel: Mark that, and tremble at