The Works of John Dryden, Volume 6 | Page 7

eighteen, or twenty, or thereabouts.
_Wood._ Oh, very good! Two more young women besides yourself,
and both handsome?
_Saint._ No, verily, they are painted outsides; you must not cast your
eyes upon them, nor listen to their conversation: You are already
chosen for a better work.
_Wood._ I warrant you, let me alone: I am chosen, I.
_Saint._ They are a couple of alluring wanton minxes.
_Wood._ Are they very alluring, say you? very wanton?
_Saint._ You appear exalted, when I mention those pit-falls of iniquity.
_Wood._ Who, I exalted? Good faith, I am as sober, a melancholy poor
soul!--

_Saint._ I see this abominable sin of swearing is rooted in you. Tear it
out; oh, tear it out! it will destroy your precious soul.
_Wood._ I find we two shall scarce agree: I must not come to your
closet when I have got a bottle; for, at such a time, I am horribly given
to it.
_Saint._ Verily, a little swearing may be then allowable: You may
swear you love me, it is a lawful oath; but then, you must not look on
harlots.
_Wood._ I must wheedle her, and whet my courage first on her; as a
good musician always preludes before a tune. Come, here is my first
oath. [_Embracing her._
Enter ALDO.
_Aldo._ How now, Mrs Saintly! what work have we here towards?
_Wood._ [_Aside._] Aldo, my own natural father, as I live! I remember
the lines of that hide-bound face: Does he lodge here? If he should
know me, I am ruined.
_Saint._ Curse on his coming! he has disturbed us. [_Aside._] Well,
young gentleman, I shall take a time to instruct you better.
_Wood._ You shall find me an apt scholar.
_Saint._ I must go abroad upon some business; but remember your
promise, to carry yourself soberly, and without scandal in my family;
and so I leave you to this gentleman, who is a member of it. [Exit
SAINT.
_Aldo._ [_Aside._] Before George, a proper fellow, and a swinger he
should be, by his make! the rogue would humble a whore, I warrant
him.--You are welcome, sir, amongst us; most heartily welcome, as I
may say.
_Wood._ All's well: he knows me not.--Sir, your civility is obliging to

a stranger, and may befriend me, in the acquaintance of our
fellow-lodgers.
_Aldo._ Hold you there, sir: I must first understand you a little better;
and yet, methinks, you should be true to love.
_Wood._ Drinking and wenching are but slips of youth: I had those two
good qualities from my father.
_Aldo._ Thou, boy! Aha, boy! a true Trojan, I warrant thee! [_Hugging
him._] Well, I say no more; but you are lighted into such a family, such
food for concupiscence, such _bona roba's_!
_Wood._ One I know, indeed; a wife: But _bona roba's_, say you?
_Aldo._ I say, _bona roba's_, in the plural number.
_Wood._ Why, what a Turk Mahomet shall I be! No, I will not make
myself drunk with the conceit of so much joy: The fortune's too great
for mortal man; and I a poor unworthy sinner.
_Aldo._ Would I lie to my friend? Am I a man? Am I a christian?
There is that wife you mentioned, a delicate little wheedling devil, with
such an appearance of simplicity; and with that, she does so undermine,
so fool her conceited husband, that he despises her!
_Wood._ Just ripe for horns: His destiny, like a Turk's, is written in his
forehead.[1]
_Aldo._ Peace, peace! thou art yet ordained for greater things. There is
another, too, a kept mistress, a brave strapping jade, a two-handed
whore!
_Wood._ A kept mistress, too! my bowels yearn to her already: she is
certain prize.
_Aldo._ But this lady is so termagant an empress! and he is so
submissive, so tame, so led a keeper, and as proud of his slavery as a
Frenchman. I am confident he dares not find her false, for fear of a

quarrel with her; because he is sure to be at the charges of the war. She
knows he cannot live without her, and therefore seeks occasions of
falling out, to make him purchase peace. I believe she is now aiming at
a settlement.
_Wood._ Might not I ask you one civil question? How pass you your
time in this noble family? For I find you are a lover of the game, and I
should be loth to hunt in your purlieus.
_Aldo._ I must first tell you something of my condition. I am here a
friend to all of them; I am their factotum, do all their business; for, not
to boast, sir, I am a man of general acquaintance: There is no news in
town, either foreign or domestic, but I have it first; no mortgage of
lands, no sale of houses,